I’m not sure when or where Tee picked up the concept of death but of late, she has been thinking about it quite a bit. I asked the Moms at school if their kids knew about death and the majority were sure that a three year old would have no comprehension at all about the morbid subject. Apparently I have a very mature daughter, just like I was at her age.
I wish I knew what Tee learnt and how, so I could at least reciprocate her answers with gentler truths. Did she learn of death whilst playing with my Mother? The two of them sometimes have sword fights with plastic stemmed flowers and ultimately someone dies. Did she learn it from school at drama? From what I’ve gathered they pretend to be monsters and chase each other to attack but I have no idea what else happens. Is it because her Nana has a terminal disease that she has picked up on? Or was it the Hubs lecture to her that smoking kills (this is a story in itself saved for another day).
Obviously something has triggered the idea of death in her which has spurred Tee to asking me lots of questions in the last few weeks. She has asked how people die, when they die and what happens when they die.
Perhaps it’s just National Geographic!!!
I know she has concerns about her Nana dying, always asking if Nana is old and if so, how old, because in her head, old people die. I don’t even know where she got THAT from.
Anyway, today she woke up from her nap looking really worried (2 days before her birthday) and mumbled,
“Mummy, I don’t want you to die.”
I was shocked. Flabbergasted. My heart twisted itself into knots and a wave of emotion flooded through me. No toddler should have that kind of burden on their little innocent minds.
“I’m NOT going to DIE!!! What in the world makes you think I’m going to die????”
“When you’re old, you’re going to die.”
“But that’s a long, long, LOOOOOOOONG………way away!”
“Are you old now?”
“NO. I’m just a little bit old. You have nothing to worry about. When Mummy’s hair turns ALL white and when Mummy has no more teeth at all, then maybe, just maybe….I am growing a bit older.”
“But you’ll still die….and I will have nobody”
“Darling, you have NOTHING to worry about. By the time Mummy is old, you will be a big girl, an adult, and you will have your OWN family by then. And you will have your OWN baby and Mummy will be your baby’s Nana”
“But I don’t have a husband?”
“Oh, don’t you worry. You’ll find one. He’ll find you.”
“We play Hide-and-Seek first?”
AT THAT POINT, I BURST OUT LAUGHING .
Then I hugged her forever and reassured her unconditionally that I wasn’t dying anytime soon.
NO FUCKING WAY.
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don’t worry abt that (but still do all u can to reassure her). my dotter’s like that too, since wee little girl. even now, everynight before bed, she tells me ‘goodnight, sweet dreams, i love you, dd’. dd stands for don’t die. can you imagine? i’m suppose to answer yes. she thought i didn’t know what it stood for but i understand her paranoia. she didn’t picked up from anywhere specifically or maybe from everywhere. the movie, the stories…there are ALWAYS ppl dying in the plot. we used to be afraid of our own mortality because we’re afraid of dying. now, we’re afraid for their sake.
this question struck me too and i was just discussing about it last week with another mum. Since qiqi is 3 now, and she experience seeing some funerals of close family, i guess it is time I tell her the truth. No matter how much she could catch on that, there is no point lying to her. Not only lil kids are afraid of dying, even me, at such age!
I’ve explained to Alycia what death means. I tell her that when someone dies, she/he goes to heaven to be with God. But she doesn’t have the fear like Tee has. It’s amazing to hear how Tee’s brain works. She has such profound thoughts….and i like the line where she said she doesnt have a husband, haha! She’s such a darling!
play hide and seek? hahaha
*sigh* mine is still to young to ask me this question but I’m trying to prolong my life now so I can see my grandson. I wanna live long, but not longer than my hubby. I wanna die first. I scared…scared to be alone.
All I can say is, I sure hope Sophie goes to her father for these type of heavy material discussion…
Tee’s complexion is sooooooo beautiful… sorry I got distracted by that photo lah. 🙂
My 4-yr-old don’t have a clue yet. So yes, your Tee must have been exposed to some discussion related to that. That’s why the sudden curiosity.
I do recall that I was in Pri school, I used to be obsessed with the concept of death and my biggest fear then was also that my mum would leave me. When I return home during school vacation, I would wake up in the middle of the night to check that she was still breathing in her sleep.
I remember one night (looooong ago) I woke up crying coz’ I dreamed my mom died. Thank goodness I was sleeping next to her.
Well, I hope Tee finds some reassurance. Like you said, poor little mind of hers shouldn’t be burdened by such concerns. She should be worrying instead about where her husband is hiding? Hmmm… come to think of it, who’s doing the hiding and who’s doing the seeking?
🙂
Hi BP–my little one has a sense of death and we have discussed it (because of one of books). The biggest concern is that they don’t feel the adults apprehension about death.
Since death is part of all our lives it something that happens and is OK. So, when they ask a simple explanation is needed and at the end you might wish to say “and that’s OK.”
Also, never connect death and sleep!
My little feels, at this stage, that death is fine and happens to everyone and is OK.
You are right that she should not feel the concept of death as a burden.