Heave-Ho! Where do I start?
This tag came from The I’mPerfect Mom.
Living in Malaysia and coming from a half-Chinese family, I am grateful that I wasn’t subjected to the customary strict pregnancy and after-birth confinement rules since my own mother was a hot, modern Mama and the MIL was safely tucked away in Kota Bharu, Kelantan. My mother did have many pantangs (superstitions) but nowhere near what some of my friends had to endure. Thank Heavens!
Here’s my take…..
- Do NOT tell anyone you are pregnant before you reach 12 weeks of being pregnant.
At my first pregnancy, I was OVER THE MOON! I bugged all my colleagues, called all my family and friends, and even took out a notice in the newspaper. I boasted to everyone excitedly that I had missed my period and was indeed p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t. This was during my 4th week of pregnancy when the pregnancy stick showed very faint pink lines. Yes, I did the tests over and over till the Doctor confirmed I was pregnant. At 7 weeks, I miscarried. 6 months later, I got pregnant again, didn’t tell anyone and STILL miscarried. The Doctor said I had to quit my job if I wanted to have this baby. Or get an easier job. So I quit and believe or not, 1 month later, I was pregnant with Tee. Third time lucky.
- Do NOT exercise or walk a lot during your 1st 12 weeks of pregnancy.
All my life, I’ve heard my mother say that in order to have an easy delivery, one must walk. A LOT. So walk a lot I did from day one. I walked long distances in sweltering Malaysian heat till I got abdominal cramps. No wonder I miscarried. Was I suppose to sit around heavy-bottomed staring at the idiot box all day?
- Do not eat watermelon or pineapple or other ‘cooling’ food during pregnancy. Including ice.
I was really hot whilst pregnant and NEEDED to cool myself down with ‘cooling’ food!!! I checked with my Doctor who verified that there is actual medical evidence that pineapple contained a certain enzyme that is harmful to the unborn foetus. So I didn’t have pineapple for 9 months. I was also scolded for wearing only my bra around the house as we carrying babies are supposed to be fully clothed in warmth. In sunny Malaysia. That was hardly practical so I allowed visitors to my home as little as possible whilst I basked in my own nakedness.
- Do not renovate your home, paint your walls, hammer nails or watch horror movies.
If the home status quo was a happy one, rearranging your furniture brings on the possibility of imminent change to your current karma. If you painted your walls, your baby would come out having birth marks. All well and good if it was discreet and hidden but it may not be lucky enough and grow a big birth mark right smack in the centre of it’s entire face. Hammering nails would cause your baby to be born with a deformity such as cleft lip or an extra finger and watching horror movies would cause your baby to come out VERY UGLY. I didn’t want to take THAT risk so I looked at a LOT of pretty faces when I was pregnant 🙂 I did rearrange furniture and hang some paintings up though….no probems there!
And then once you’ve given birth, as if that in itself isn’t difficult enough, the mother is tortured with……..
- No hair washing for a whole month or 40 days after delivery
The belief as I’ve been told is that wind enters easily through the mother’s head thus causing headaches and migraines forever should you wash your hair during this time. I couldn’t stand it so on day 4, I left the home on the pretext of buying some baby goods, and traipsed into a hairdressing salon. I told the girl. I’m in confinement. Make this super quick. And what does she do? Squirt freezing cold water onto my netted crown. My body froze. I’m doomed for life with a migraine problem. 2 weeks later, I was suffering from headaches. Really bad headaches. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the hairwash or the lack of sleep. Either way, I’m fine now. Really.
- Bathing in scalding HOT herbal water / no fan or air-conditioning on, fully clothed
Another wind theory. *yawn* I have never ever bathed in boiling hot water before and assumed that we were to use it after it had cooled down but apparently not. I was instructed to pour it little by little onto my body, as much as I could take. OUCH!!!!! But it felt really good after the body got accustomed to burning temperature.
- Eat ‘hot’ food (ginger) plus a whole load of other ‘confinement’ food
Well…..I ave always loved ginger wine chicken and I have always loved food. Put anything on the table and I’d happily clean my plate. Besides, I believe you are what you eat. The confinement diet is designed to regenerate the mother’s health as she has lost a fair amount of blood.
- Do not leave the house with baby during the first month
The Chinese believe that the first month of a baby’s life is it’s most vulnerable and if you were to leave the confines of your home, you would subject the baby to being stolen away by evil spirits. Well, if I’d met Tee before I delivered her, I might just have negotiated a barter with the spirits. And for the record, Tee left the home to Dome Cafe on Day 7 – why is she still here? Because a Higher Being wants me to care and love her forever……
I could go on…but this is a start.
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Even though I needed all the help I could get, I was kinda glad that my MIL was not here for my so-called confinement ‘cos she would have fainted to see what I was doing!! I think I broke every single one of the pantang rules above & more…hehe….
Hahaha…funny how I wished there was NOBODY around me at the time. Because EVERYONE stressed me out COMPLETELY!!! And they were all being helicopters, hovering around the baby, that I didn’t even get a chance to hold my own baby!!! The next time I deliver, I’m not even telling my own mother. I think?
Thank you for posting this – I think cultural pregnancy practices are really interesting. I’m 1/4 Korean, and did a brief presenation on Korean ideas about pregnancy for a class I took. There are similar hot/cold and food practices. My mom says that my grandmother forced her to eat a traditional seaweed soup after I was born.
Re: the 12 weeks thing, when I was a little kid I thought it was not possible to know if you were pregnant until 3 months, because nobody ever talked about it until then. 😉
Hi Rachel, could you please share about what the Korean take on pregnancy is? Ahhh….so now you know. It really depends on the individual I think. Some people start showing at 6 weeks and some, you can’t tell their pregnant till they’re 6 months! I usually look out for the swollen, larger breasts and the lost of waist and increased hip size from the back. And then, I have made the mistake of asking some Moms if they were pregnant, only to be mistaken! Oops…..
Let me dig up my notes, because I know there are some things in there that I’m forgetting now.
Hi, I’ve never ever posted a comment and I’m not sure I wanted it posted for all to see, but I wanted to contact you because I’m Asian also and I just got off the phone with mom after telling her I miscarried for the 2nd time today at 8 1/2 weeks. I have never paid much attention to my mom’s “traditional” beliefs but after following “Western” ideas of how to have a healthy pregnancy and having miscarried both times this year, my superstitionist is surfacing and wondering if what my mom had to say was true.
1 – don’t eat fruits and vegetables (“cold” foods like watermelon and mango)..I was eating alot more fruits and vegetables than I normally did because that’s what supposed to be good for you. She thought I should eat alot of beef and ginger now that I just miscarried because miscarrying is like giving birth twice.
2 – don’t do anything strenuous. I stopped exercising and only walked a bit here and there when I wasn’t tired and sleepy. But apparently I’m not supposed to go for long car rides and bumpy rides. I got scolded for going camping on the beach just last week. I mean how hard on your body can it be if you are just lying on the beach?
3 – We told everyone the first time around and I miscarried @ 9 weeks. This time we didn’t tell anyone even the parents and I still miscarried.
Anyway, I was wondering if you could tell me if they gave you any reasons for why you miscarried both times and did you do anything different for your successful pregnancy the third time around? I’m devastated that I will not ever be able to be a mother and carry a baby full term. I guess I was just looking for some hope.
Hello Sad in Delhi, Firstly…let me say that I was in exactly the same boat as you a few years ago till more and more people told me that actually, miscarriage is very common. Most people go though 2-3 miscarriages before the little bean decides to stick. So fret not at this point! Relax & continue to enjoy life because if there is one thing that will jeopardise a pregnancy, it’s stress. I take most of the old wive’s tales with a pinch of salt and really refer more to common sense. I would also say do everything in MODERATION. Don’t over eat fruit. Don’t over walk. Don’t over suntan….you get the picture. If you ate too much fruit, you’d make the environment in your body too acidic. Too much ginger, too hot. Too much cooling stuff, too cool.
Sometimes it is hormonal so maybe you wanna lie low for awhile. In my case, I only conceived with a fertility drug called CLOMID, and even then the Doctor told me to QUIT MY JOB and LIE LOW for FOUR MONTHS. What does your Doctor say?
On the contrary, I’ve known women who’ve been on difficult hikes during their pregnancies! So, everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. I was not given any reason for my miscarriages (but I didn’t ask either). My guess is that the bean just didn’t stick well. So it falls off. It’s like throwing a sticky ball onto the glass door. Most of the time, if you threw it at the right angle hard enough, it would stick and then sometimes, it drops off. Same thing. Just keep shooting!
I know it’s tough…..so here’s a hug to you and lots of prayer. Talk to your Doctor is my best advise to you and KEEP ME POSTED!
Dear Sad in Delhi,
I had 2 miscarriages and failed to conceive even after help from fertility doctors. Then, one day, we found that we were pregnant (without medical intervention) and now are at the end of our 7th month – Praise God! As soon as we discovered the pregnancy, we saw a doctor who put me on hormonal supplements to help ‘stabilize my uterus’ since he knew that we had the previous miscarriages.
I think that there are lots of reasons for why miscarriages occur and I know that it can be very emotionally painful and discouraging. There were times when I wondered if I would be a mother. Most often, with miscarriages, it can be due to the embryo – something is wrong that doesn’t allow it to develop normally (i.e., abnormality) or to support life (potentially a random chromosomal problem). I think that miscarriages can also occur if you expose baby to harmful chemicals through what you eat or breathe – but often this would lead to deformities. Miscarriages can also occur if Mom’s hormone levels aren’t high enough to sustain a pregnancy. In my case, the Dr gave me hormonal supplements as a precaution – which may have made my morning sickness worse…. but I was very glad to be sick, knnowing that baby was growing. The Dr. also monitored me weekly and then biweekly to see how baby was developing in the first trimester – which would also then provide insight into what was wrong if I did end up miscarrying again.
I am Canadian and am just starting to learn more about asian cultural traditions regarding pregnancy and childbirth (since we’ll be delivering in Singapore) and as I’m reading, I realize that I have broken many of those traditional beliefs, even during this pregnancy but the doctors I’ve seen all indicate that baby seems healthy and normal. So, while a lot of cultural advice is practical (i.e, don’t overexert yourself, get plenty of rest (your body is working hard), and do be careful of what you eat (eat healthy foods, avoid food with potential contaminants that could harm the baby) etc. ) I am interested in learning more about them… after all, these practices are not worldwide and babies are born everywhere! Maybe it is applicable to certain cultures/climates whose influences would be different than elsewhere?
Anyhow, i would suggest that you continue to take care of your body and keep it prepared for a future pregnancy… take prenatal vitamins and folic acid etc, eat well, try to destress, and focus on enjoying life (stress has been shown to reduce fertility rates). I’d also suggest that you see a doctor and explain your situation. In some countries, doctors will start doing some testing to help determine why you might be miscarrying…. and/or, when you do find yourself pregnant again, go see a Dr. right away! They will test your hormone levels and be able to see if the levels are high enough (for me, during both miscarriages hormone levels were very low… suggesting that I did need hormonal help!). So… although it may not be helpful to hear when you don’t know the details of your situation, but many women do go on to have healthy babies after experiencing miscarriages. Indeed, many women have miscarriages early on, and don’t even know they had one -so, miscarriage is more common than we might think.
Blessed in Singapore,
Thanks for providing your input!
Thank you for both of your comments. I’m trying to stay positive or else I can see myself falling into depression. Good luck with your pregnancy, Blessed in Singapore, I hope you the best.
I was wondering did your doctors take any additional steps during the 2nd pregnancy because you’ve miscarried the first time? Or once you told them you were pregnant again, they just said “see you at 6-7 weeks” for your first doctor’s visit? I guess I’m a bit bitter feeling that my doctor just expects women to face additional miscarriages in a row (have 2 or 3) before they become “involved” your pregnancy sooner. The nurse said I could check my HCG levels and it was 14000 on one day and 34000 five days later. All she said was it is good that it’s increasing but i was concerned because everything I’ve read on the internet says it should double every 48 hours. After I miscarried this time around, I mentioned it to my doctor if that was a sign that this wasn’t going along properly…she acted like she didn’t even know the results and that yes, 14000 to 34000 in five days seem low…urgh…I just don’t know..I really don’t know what to think anymore…it’s so numbing and wondering if there was anything I could have done to save my baby.
Keep your spirits up! Take up a new hobby and occupy your mind with other things right now (easier said than done, of course). And change your Doctor if she pisses you off.
At my 1st miscarriage (the most devastating due to circumstances), the male Doctor I saw treated me like just another number. All he said was, “yah, your pregnancy hormone levels have dropped.” He didn’t say, I’m sorry or let’s try saving it or anything really….He just sent me home with a week’s supply of pessaries and advised me to lie down at all times. Even his tone of voice was unsympathetic. A few days later, a red blob came out and I just knew. Went back to him and he said that ‘when your pregnancy hormones drop this low, it means that there is no longer a pregnancy.’ Totally cold. I walked out knowing that I needed someone more compassionate. So I did my research, made calls, asked around, peered through windows of O&G clinics and then decided on a female Doctor for that feminine touch.
She said I needed help to plump up my eggs as they weren’t looking healthy from the ultrasound. I took Clomid but still miscarried. That’s when she told me to quit my job. It worked.
Here, I saw my Doctor on my 3rd week (once the stick turned colour!) and then every 2 weeks after that (since I was high risk). But after the 11th week when the foetus seemed to have attached itself well, I only saw her once a month. And then every 2 weeks again towards the end.
Sometimes, I think, we have a few miscarriages before the actual success because the body is getting adjusted to being pregnant. It’s almost as though the body is being primed for that perfect pregnancy……and that is why it is so common amongst women to have 2-3 drops. Having said that, there are also tons of women who are successful at first try. Sometimes, they have actually had the initial miscarriages without realising (if it is very early on) so they think they were 1st time lucky. Every body reacts differently.
I don’t think there was anything you could have done to save the foetus. There is a reason for it to drop, sometimes due to abnormalities. It’s God’s way of making things work. Have faith, it will work out.
Loads of hugs and fairy dust coming your way 🙂