……made me cry today. Like the many times she made me cry. Throughout my life. But today was different. I hadn’t cried since her cancer was diagnosed and any tearing after that was due to my own sentimental-ness and weepy emotional state due to her well-being.  

My mother always made me feel like I owed her my whole life as gratitude because she chose to keep me, rather than have me adopted or give me away to someone else. Clearly, I was an accident and my biological father was not ready to be a father at that time. So the selfless young girl decided she would bring me up with her two bare hands and sacrificed a further education at that.  

When my mother was pregnant with me, she got disowned by her own mother at 18. Being pregnant so young and unmarried still, brought incredible shame to an Asian family. My grandmother, who was a medic, also wanted my mother to abort the 5-month foetus immediately but since my mother refused, kicked her out of the family home. My mother stayed in the backseat of an empty parked school bus for the first few nights. She then got whisked off to a convent by my grandfather to allow her the rest of the pregnancy in peaceful surroundings. The sheer lack of support from my grandmother and the fact that my grandmother risked her own daughter’s life by making her abort a 5 month foetus totally screwed my mother over. I think that to this day, she is still affected and definitely ‘scarred’ by these series of events, which is really only a mild summary as I write this. There were horrible beatings and screaming to say the least.  Later when my mother married my stepfather, she reminded me constantly that she was unhappy and was making such a big sacrifice with her life for me. So that I could have a father. So that I could have an education. So that I could have a life. Whenever I did anything that did not conform to her erratic moods, there would be screams of “Get out and go back to your own dad!!! (meaning my biological father)” to reinforce the fact that I was this little ungrateful nuisance.  When I hit puberty, I learnt to answer back with the famous “I didn’t ask to be born!” line. Boy, did that rub well with my mother. I even packed up and ran away from home a couple of times. She never came looking for me as she figured, I’d come home eventually. And I did only because I ran out of cash. She would cane or slap me. And at the time, I thought I hated her with a vengeance.  I was embarrassed of my own mother because she wasn’t like my friend’s moms. She was never home, for one. My friend’s mom would take us to the zoo or play paper dolls with us, or bake us cookies or take us to the movies. Mom did none of that. She left us to the maid. There was no one to talk to us, no one to tell us the importance of learning at school, no one to stop us from behaving badly. We pretty much did whatever the hell we wanted. And that gave our friends the impression that we (my brothers and I) had the coolest mom in the world. I guess the grass is always greener wherever you are, huh? My mom was also a gambler (by my definition….altho if she knew I called her this, she would totally flip). She spent her days playing the jackpot machine at our local club, mostly due to her unhappiness with our dad. And she dressed provocatively which not only embarrassed me to high heaven but made me very sad. It made me sad that she needed to flaunt her breasts in order to feel worthy. I also couldn’t stand that she didn’t have any confidence, so much so that she’d go through means to make herself part of the high society. Her world was one dimensional and she dwelled in her own self pity. A lot.

My mother never attended a single school concert or sports day in my whole entire life. She never even enquired with my teachers how I was doing at school. When I did really well for one of my projects at University, I was so excited that I wanted to show the model I’d made to her. I quickly pulled her to the model but all she had to say was “Hurry, let’s go.” She didn’t even look. She wasn’t interested. She just wasn’t that kind of mom that I craved.   Once, when I got deported back from the UK due to an ignorant British immigration officer and my own carelessness of not having my official documents on me, I went through a 48 hour ordeal with British immigration. It was one huge disaster saved for another book through no fault of mine. After all that stress, I touched down back to where I’d left just 48 hours ago and called my mom with suitcases in tow to tell her I was back in town and about to catch a cab home. To my horror she told me “Don’t come home. I want to be alone.” (This was after she and my dad had divorced.) When I asked her where I’d go instead, she said, “I don’t know. Don’t disturb me right now.” After 48 whole hours awake from flying Malaysian Airlines, fighting with immigration officers, being treated like a convict, given crap food, and cheated out of an airplane ticket to Italy, just to mention a few dramas, this was totally devastating for me. So I called a friend instead and lugged my suitcases to my friend’s place. Imagine my embarrassment to my friend’s family that I had to stay with them for 2 weeks before I had my own home to go home to. Thankfully, they didn’t probe too much and were just there for me. Which brings me to remember now, that my mother never sent me off nor picked me up from the airport. Ever. When I got a promotion at work, I told her excitedly as I unlocked the door home from work and stepped into our living room where she watched TV. Without even looking at me, she said “Dont talk to me now”. And I’d go into my room with tears of hope and despair. Hope that, if only she could be a normal mom. Or even pretend to be.  Tough love? It did more bad than good in my case….

The number of times my mother had hurt me? Let’s not go there.  

Yet, I always loved my mother. She was weak….and I’ve always felt the need to protect her. Where I got my own strength, I don’t know. But it certainly is a hell of a lot more than my mothers. After everything, I’m proud to say that I never practised unsafe sex in order to require an abortion, I never took drugs, I actually graduated with a degree in architecture from the Bartlett, I never tried killing myself (although I’ve felt like it no doubt, but hey….I still feel it when Tee drives me insane!), I have real friends, I have a gem of a husband and a beautiful daughter. So mom must’ve done something right. Somewhere. God works in funny ways. 

My mother is the kindest soul I’ve ever known too. She is the person who’d come up to a stranger she’d heard at the hospital saying he couldn’t afford the medicine and pay for him. She is the person who would make the garbage collector drive home beaming from ear to ear. She is the wonderful friend who would allow the whole city to unload their pains onto her. She is the amazing woman who is willing to share her husband with his first wife (they are all Muslim). She is a mother who showers her children with pretty much anything they want that she can afford. And I could go on and on…..My mother was generous to a fault.  The talented traits that I inherited from my mother for which I am thankful include my creativity genes. That was all from her. 500%. My mother sews well, cooks well, does cross-stitch, knits, does beautiful floral arrangements, has great ideas (never implemented unfortunately), dresses well, has impeccable manners when she wants to, has a really soft heart yet has balls of steel. She is ever willing to help a friend in need or us, her children. Now that she is older, wiser and has cancer. 

So how did she make me cry today? I asked her if her Doctor were to tell her that she only had one month more to live, if she’d tell me. She said no. Her reasoning was that there was no point in hurting me or anyone else unnecessarily. If she had to go, then we can hurt after she is gone. Why put us through the extra month of pain? The only person she may tell, she said, was this friend of hers whom she claimed was strong enough to handle it.   

As much as we argued about this point, my mother is also a stubborn mule and her way always goes. She has been getting headaches lately, every single day. To make matters worst, she saw her Doctor recently and she is seeing this friend tomorrow. Someone she hardly ever sees as she lives quite a distance away. I feel like my mother’s time is approaching. And I am scared to my wit’s end.

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin is a former Design Architect turned Multi-Million Dollar Digital Entrepreneur. She sets out to prove to all that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past and doubled her salary 5 times over 5 organisations but has grown THREE BUSINESSES to 7 FIGURES within an 8 year period. She now shows others EXACTLY HOW after retiring her own husband from employment. He is now the official dog walker, family driver, chef and THE BEST FATHER to their two girls and THE BEST HUSBAND to the woman who CHOSE HIM!

Mamapumpkin is the girl who has nothing but fights for everything including YOU. She is idealistic in her desire to put unbelievable amounts of money and extrardinary happiness into the lives of good people so we can change the world together believing in happiness for ALL. She strives to impact lives authentically wanting to reduce poverty cycles and enable quality education for all and always supports the voiceless. She believes we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn how to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave to take action. Mamapumpkin's purpose is to build people. Her gift is to help them UNCOVER their HIDDEN GIFTS. She operates fairly and always leaves an impression. You either love her or not and she is alright either way.

She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything with anyone, as she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.