This year, Sam would’ve been 34, just like me. But she has missed out 13 years of what we were meant to share together as friends, to my detriment.

I met the beautiful Indonesian Italian Samantha Barlian of a lithe 5’6″ at architecture school more than 10 years ago. Due to the nature of the architecture course at the Bartlett, we had no time at all to socialise outside of the architecture building and only made friends within. From the eight hundred students at the Bartlett, there were only 3 other Malaysians (all boys) during my whole time in London and since Sam lived in Singapore, she was the closest to home that I could get. What more, she was dating a Malaysian lad then. One who drove a red Ferarri. And she had been a student of the United World College where I had known many, like the Hubs, for example. So breaking the silence on our first meeting was like eating moist chocolate cake. Bloody easy.

Sam and I really got on like a house on fire. We connected. We shared the most trivial of problems and the stresses of architecture school, cigarettes and the severe lack of sleep. We were both results of divorced parents. We both had creative talent. We had similar wants for the future, we liked the same things, we laughed at the same things. The only thing that set us apart was our difference in height. And our taste in men.

Our last meeting in London was when I stayed the night in her swanky London apartment that overlooked the Thames. That night, I was introduced to Star Trek. She was a real Trekkie and tried her damndest to get me hooked. She showed me her Valentine’s present to Zam, her then boyfriend – 4 red balloons with a poem inside each which she read out to me for my opinion. Those were the days……when we were 21.

After we graduated, Sam had returned to Singapore while I stayed on in London to gain some work experience abroad. The last time I saw her was during a holiday to Singapore where I stayed at the Westin Hotel, overlooking miles of reclaimed land and the seas beyond. She had visited me at the hotel and we were both gazing out on the balcony. She was telling me about the dangers of Anwar Ibrahim, our then Deputy Prime Minister (before he got convicted) and to watch out for him. She was telling me that Singapore sucked big time because of the long list of reasons that raced out of her intelligent head. She was telling me that she had broken up with the Ferarri guy. She was telling me how it was lonely being an only child. She sounded unhappy but nothing would have prepared me for December 14th 1995.

Sam had called me the day before asking how I was and after a short update, I hurried her to put the phone down and to email instead – the Singapore-London call was costing a lot of money! She sounded fine. We said goodbye after reassuring each other that all was well.

That evening, I was telling my then Italian/Malaysian boyfriend that Sam had called and for some reason, I was suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I couldn’t explain why. Perhaps it was the fact that I had just seen her in Singapore 2 months ago and it was strange that she had called to ask how I was, knowing exactly what I was up to in recent months. I slept on it.

I called her at 9.30am the next morning and her mother answered the phone.

“Hi, could I speak to Sam, please? This is P from London….” Usually, I’d chat to whoever picked up the phone first before asking for Sam, and most definitely if it was her mother. But this time, I just asked for her straight out without the usual hello aunty, how are you….

Pause.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry, P.” Pause. “You can never speak to Sam again.”

At which point I thought I had done something wrong and for some confounded reason, either Sam or her mom had decided that we shouldn’t talk.

“Why? Why? What do you mean???” I asked with a real sense of urgency.

“Sam passed away this morning at 5am and joined the Lord.”

“WHAT?!! HOW?”

“She was very sick, P. Sam was very sick….” in between sobs, her mother said there would be a memorial service in London the following fortnight once they sorted things out in Singapore.

I put the phone down and screamed in agony. My then boyfriend had to calm me down as I had become hysterical.

I cried for a whole 2 years after (every single night) and lit a candle for her every single time I went to Church. I talked to her everyday and kept asking her to come back, to show up, even as a ghost, despite my fear of the unknown. I wanted her so much to reappear.

I later learnt that Sam had jumped out of the 22nd floor of her father’s apartment in Singapore. Her mother was too distraight to talk about it but I managed to speak to her ex-boyfriend, who told me that Sam didn’t even look like Sam in her coffin but a waxed body like in Madame Tussaud’s as they laid her to rest in Singapore.

Zam has kept her 4 balloons in his wallet till today. And he has also coincidentally dated another of my really good Italian friend since but the relationship couldn’t work because he was too depressed over Sam, despite the honest understanding of the new girlfriend. I can totally relate. It’s been more than 10 years but as I write this, tears still trickle down my face.

The memorial service was held at the Westminster Abbey chapel where Sam used to love praying. A poem that Sam had written was read out. She was a fan of Zainal Abidin and his music influenced her work. Sam’s mother gave me a potrait of her graduation. She also brought me to Sam’s room and told me to take a bag of Sam’s as a memory gift of Sam. At the time, I had picked a Ralph Lauren handbag but I now regret that I hadn’t picked the Louis Vuitton bag that her mother had suggested instead, as it was Sam’s absolute favourite.

There was a speculated sighting of Sam in her apartment the month after she died by a child of the helper, Belena. The child insists that she was playing with Sam when her mom had heard her child talking non-stop to ‘someone’ in the other room yet when checked upon, there was no one there. Belena truly believes that Sam had come back to visit. She also said that Sam’s favourite colour was yellow and ever since Sam passed away, there was always a yellow butterfly outside Sam’s room balcony in London flying around or wanting to enter.

Everytime I use the Ralph Lauren bag or see a yellow butterfly, my love for Sam flushes upfront. At other times, it is there in the background. But always there.

In complete lush abundance. For always.

**************************************************************************
Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin is a former Design Architect turned Multi-Million Dollar Digital Entrepreneur. She sets out to prove to all that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past and doubled her salary 5 times over 5 organisations but has grown THREE BUSINESSES to 7 FIGURES within an 8 year period. She now shows others EXACTLY HOW after retiring her own husband from employment. He is now the official dog walker, family driver, chef and THE BEST FATHER to their two girls and THE BEST HUSBAND to the woman who CHOSE HIM!

Mamapumpkin is the girl who has nothing but fights for everything including YOU. She is idealistic in her desire to put unbelievable amounts of money and extrardinary happiness into the lives of good people so we can change the world together believing in happiness for ALL. She strives to impact lives authentically wanting to reduce poverty cycles and enable quality education for all and always supports the voiceless. She believes we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn how to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave to take action. Mamapumpkin's purpose is to build people. Her gift is to help them UNCOVER their HIDDEN GIFTS. She operates fairly and always leaves an impression. You either love her or not and she is alright either way.

She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything with anyone, as she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.