Losing Control……Have you ever had that feeling that you’re spinning a downward spiral into the abyss, and the deeper you get sucked in, the crazier the turbulence, as your hair starts hitting your face painfully and you lose your glasses and control of your limbs, and suddenly you have no idea why, where, what, who………and that pang of desperation calls. Yet, there is no way out. There is nobody to rescue you. No emergency button.

What do you do?

Honestly, I feel like that every few weeks. I have no control of my being. And being a manic Obsessive Compulsive person, I am pretty much in deep shit.

I was seated with a psychologist friend the other day and some other women, and I told them of my deep rooted need to organise my wardrobe. It is already organised into colours and categories, but for the longest time, I’d wanted it to be organised onto the computer too. I want every piece documented and stacked into folders, just like the ones you see on online retail fashion stores. Click tops and you will see all my tops. Further categorised into colours, then casual, work or evening. This is so I can select what to wear for an event when I’m on the go. That is how busy I am. Every single f*cking second counts. The women thought I was mad.

But the psychologist, who gave hints that I was ADHD understood! I am so ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder!). She gave me all the symptoms and seriously, I have all my life lived like this and no one has EVER diagnosed me as ADHD but now I know why! I’m impatient, highly stressed, cannot focus on any one task and think sleep is a waste of time, subconsciously. The Hubs have always told me to slow down but now I know there is a reason why I am the way I am.

I also explained my need to get all the books in my home organised. Whilst they are all over the place in different rooms and different book shelves, I am not at peace. I need them organised. But I don’t have the time to do it. It sickens me that it is not done. So the psychologist suggested that I set a task to complete one book shelf a weekend. She’s awesome, that woman. I could have told myself that but hearing it from a task master who sold me the idea of Muji Calendars and Project Lists, I am empowered. You can almost tell a person with ADHD when they talk super fast. With me, everything moves fast. I struggle whenever someone talks to me slowly. It is very painful yet it is me with the problem, not them.

There is also the big piles of ‘rubbish’ that sits all over the house which are either to be thrown out or given away but I have not dared open any of the bags to check what they all are. I keep secretly wishing they would just disappear. I have been bugging the Hubs (who is shit busy himself) to install the CCTV cameras and the extra storage if he doesn’t plan on moving us out to a bigger place soon enough. He believes in cash right now because the experts expect an economic slum next year.

So as always, I feel like crying and screaming, yet it is pointless to do so because at the end of the day, I am still in this rut alone. I have two wonderful girls and couldn’t ask for more yet they drive me to the brinks of insanity, but probably because I am so ADHD!

In the next few weeks, I am taking some time off work to spend some moments with my kids, to get some household chores organised. Therapeutic time. I want to play with them, hold them, lie on them, tickle them, smell them, bathe with them, walk with them, laugh with them, bite them, rub noses with them, watch them perform, cook for them and just inhale them in a dozen long deep breathes. I owe it to them.

They are only 2 and 7 once and God how I love them with such an intensity!!!

Losing control is very normal. As long as you are able to gain control pretty quickly after losing control, know that it is alright to lose control especially if you are a tired, overwhelmed Mom who is busy making money from home without any help and still care for 2 little kids at home.

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin is a former Design Architect turned Multi-Million Dollar Digital Entrepreneur. She sets out to prove to all that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past and doubled her salary 5 times over 5 organisations but has grown THREE BUSINESSES to 7 FIGURES within an 8 year period. She now shows others EXACTLY HOW after retiring her own husband from employment. He is now the official dog walker, family driver, chef and THE BEST FATHER to their two girls and THE BEST HUSBAND to the woman who CHOSE HIM!

Mamapumpkin is the girl who has nothing but fights for everything including YOU. She is idealistic in her desire to put unbelievable amounts of money and extrardinary happiness into the lives of good people so we can change the world together believing in happiness for ALL. She strives to impact lives authentically wanting to reduce poverty cycles and enable quality education for all and always supports the voiceless. She believes we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn how to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave to take action. Mamapumpkin's purpose is to build people. Her gift is to help them UNCOVER their HIDDEN GIFTS. She operates fairly and always leaves an impression. You either love her or not and she is alright either way.

She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything with anyone, as she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.