Government Service in Singapore

Today, after not stepping onto my birth soil for more than 10 years, I made a phone call to the Singapore Government. The ICA to be exact. That is the Singaporean Immigration and Checkpoint Authority, an all in one organisation so to speak who deals with immigration matters AND births and deaths and everything else in between. Not a super large empty building for immigration, nor a super large empty building for JPN and another super large empty building for Customs. Have you ever noticed that all the buildings in Putrajaya are super large and use up a lot of air conditioning YET there is just so much un-utilised SPACE???

What really gets me is this – the Singapore Government wants me to go to Singapore to be Singaporean. They want me to work. They would even give me work. And the Malaysian Government? They’ve threatened to kick me out!

This is it. I was BORN in Singapore, but because my parents are Malaysians, I am naturally Malaysian too. When I was 12 years old, there was a big hooha because Malaysia did not want to issue me with a Malaysian citizenship. Don’t ask me why. I was only a kid then. But the lawyer who was handling my case had misplaced my original Singaporean birth certificate and that was the start of all these problems. The Malaysian Government thought I was some illegal Indonesian baby being transported here in a kelong and that my parents had picked me up illegally from the border and kept me for themselves. This couldn’t be further from the truth, which is quite simply that my mother, is my natural birth mother and she is Malaysian. Do a DNA test for God’s sake!

To cut a long story short, JPN has been giving me a lot of shit lately. Rules have tightened and they’re deporting a lot of illegal people in the country. They have threatened that I would be next. I went through a 2 hour interrogation process with a Malay gentleman with one eye who wanted to know how much I earned, where I worked, whether I had shares in my company, who the Directors were, who my parents are, who my husband is, who his parents are, where I lived now, where I lived when I was a kid, what school I went to. TWO HOURS and I had a baby with me. A restless baby and I refused to take out the ipad to shut her up because I was afraid that the officer would think I was loaded and hint that he might like one too! I’m already amazed that he didn’t ask what colour panties I wore! And just for your information, they are purple with orange stars and green and silver glitter, sometimes spotted with red sequins.

Anyway, I have been spending a lot of time at JPN in Putrajaya because they keep threatening to throw me out of the country EVEN THOUGH I have letters to say I am Malaysian. EVEN THOUGH I have a legitimate Identity Card. EVEN THOUGH I have a Malaysian passport. EVEN THOUGH I have spent my entire schooling life here, speak Bahasa and really, am as Malaysian as any Malaysian can get. But they are questioning now, is my passport legal? Is my MyKad legal? They’re asking for my Singaporean birth certificate which I do not have. I think they just want money!!!

So.

I called the Singapore Government today to ask if I could get a copy of my birth cert. There was an answering machine with the options, just like those bloody f&@*ing people who like to make your day (mind you, the Yellow Men are not much better with their call centre options!), but the options were very clear and I picked my options. Then a lady picked up the phone. I asked. She answered and voila. It was done. I had exactly the answers I needed at my fingertips and that took only 3 minutes of my time and a phone call cost to Singapore.

Earlier, I was on the phone with JPN and I swear I wanted to vomit blood. I had to speak in Bahasa as well!!! So you can imagine. My Bahasa is not bad. I got a Bahasa C3 for my SPM, my worst subject. But still, I was going in circles because the gentleman without the eye was obviously not wanting to make my life easy AT ALL and when I got off the phone, I was not only stressed but I felt like killing someone. Him exactly.

Someone, please tell me why? I’ve already lost all my computer data. Why can’t things just be straight forward? If you wanted my Singaporean birth certificate in the first place, why did you not say so? I already told you the Singapore Government will not release the original copy. Why did you tell me you wanted my parent’s marriage certificate then? Then tell me you still needed my parent’s divorce agreement. And now you want my FUCKING birth cert? Your OWN Government, the MALAYSIAN Government already has a letter stating that I AM A MALAYSIAN CITIZEN. What more do you want from me? When is it going to end? I am so going to report you.

 

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