You know you have it when you don’t feel like lifting a finger to do anything. I mean….. ANYTHING.

I have tons to do. A house to sell. A house to rent. A proposal to pitch. Some articles to write. A house to clean. Some furniture to design. A house to organise. Food to cook. Emails to send. Phone calls to make. Oh, and a kid to raise. Friends don’t even come into the picture. Nor myself.

I’ve been feeling lifeless for about 2 months now and today was the black bang (you know, when you hit the bottom of the hole….).

I struggled out of bed this morning. Again. Then struggled to get Tee to drink her milk. She didn’t finish it but I didn’t have any energy left so I packed her off to school without breakfast. She wouldn’t eat. I don’t know what else to do.

I parked a distance away from my destination thinking I’d save some money AND get some exercise. The blinking shop I was visiting wasn’t open till 11am so I hung around and had breakfast. Alone.

When the time came, the guy who serviced me wasn’t there. When he finally arrived, the work he was supposed to have completed by YESTERDAY, wasn’t done. Did I flip? You bet.

Picked Tee up from school and rushed her to the dentist. Again she fought lunch. I am so tired of these food fights. So the dentist discovers a mega huge cavity in her lower right molar. A big hole visible with my naked eye. My mother, who was present because they had the same appointment, acted surprised that Tee had too much candy. My mother, the grandmother who feeds Tee in one day – a Bob the Builder Lolly (size 7×3 cm), 15 chocolate balls (size 2cm diameter), 25 Hershey’s versions of M&Ms, a cup of fresh whipped cream, a Chuppa Chup Lolly and 2 Jelly Beans. IN ONE DAY. Within 5 hours. Then the kid can’t sleep. Then the kid can’t wake up. It’s a viscious cycle I hate.

Then when it’s my mom’s turn at the dentist’s chair, she tells him she has ACC. Her tone is patronising and she spits, “To put it bluntly, my cancer is terminal.”

What the fuck was THAT about?

It made me realise that my Mother is very alone in this fight for her life. She obviously feels she needs some pity but I just don’t know how to dish it out. How?

To make matters worst, some bigger kid punched Tee in the face whilst she climbed up the bouncy castle at the mall. There was a bruise and a scratch on her nose. I didn’t see it happen so I didn’t do anything, which I now regret. I was mad at the Bouncy Castle lady because I said I didn’t really want Tee going in it because it looked like she was a lot younger than the rest and she reassured me that there were some even younger than Tee and it wasn’t a problem at all. Sure enough as soon as she stepped in, she got punched. I got a refund.

My mother’s parking ticket wouldn’t register at the paying machine. La didadida…..she gets into a really foul mood every time she visits a dentist as her cancer is at the tongue area and holding her mouth open for any length of time is pure torture. After walking to the ticketing office to sort her spastic ticket out, the ticket wouldn’t work again at the boom gate. She started yelling at the innocent security guard who got so terrified, he opened the boom gate immediately for her without any checks. Mind you this is a mall where women have been abducted and murdered.

I forgot to add….my Mother also came down after her dental treatment to yell at the Bouncy Castle people for not operating professionally enough and causing her precious grandaughter grievous harm (her version). Only that the person she scolded was totally innocent as well – he had just changed work shifts with the previous lady. Nevertheless, he got the disappointed attention of all the surrounding shopkeepers. And shoppers.

For some reason, I had like 8 heavy bags to carry out when I arrived home. What the fucking fuck! And 3 had to be carried out immediately because they had to be refridgerated. Tee was asleep. I tried waking her because I was mad at her for sleeping at the wrong time. You know how it is? Eat at lunch. Eat at lunch. Eat at lunch. Nooooooooooooo. Then 2 hours later, “Mummy, I’m hungwy. I need to eat now. I’M HUNGWY!!!” Same thing. She wouldn’t wake. So I struggled with her on one arm and the 3 heavy bags and the car keys and the house keys and using my toes to open doors and press lifts, I did this all with a smile. Sweating like a wrestler on WWF. Or is it WWC?

I throw her onto bed, dump the groceries into the fridge and head down for round two. Once all is settled, I sit and stare into space. I feel sad. I feel bushed. I feel overwhelmed. I feel tired. I ask myself…..when. I stare into space till Tee wakes two hours later. Then I put on my happy face and we have a shower. I ask her what she’d like for dinner as I’d not planned anything and she happily suggested we go out for dinner.

So whilst we’re chatting away in the car, I miss a turn and we end up in Chow Kit (prostitute city) and I am worried. I don’t know the area and it is filled with one way streets and dead end cul de sacs. I call the Hubs for directions. I panic and Tee panics. The area is clearly different from what we’re used to. She is suddenly quiet and helps me with directions as per the Hubs. When I finally find my way out, I rejoice and we start our banter again. I told her Mummy wasn’t concentrating hence why we got lost.

The little imp sniped, “Concentrate next time, then!” To think that SHE was the bane of my concentration or lack of.

After Tee sleeps, I tell the Hubs I am depressed. “So am I! You think I have anytime for anything???” 

WRONG ANSWER.

He starts getting defensive. I start recoiling.

Then as true soulmates, we talk. We talk and I realise that my husband is still the only person on this planet who can talk me out of the blues and actually make me feel happy. The old grouch still has his magic. I hope he has it forever.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Tomorrow is another day…..

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin is a former Design Architect turned Multi-Million Dollar Digital Entrepreneur. She sets out to prove to all that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past and doubled her salary 5 times over 5 organisations but has grown THREE BUSINESSES to 7 FIGURES within an 8 year period. She now shows others EXACTLY HOW after retiring her own husband from employment. He is now the official dog walker, family driver, chef and THE BEST FATHER to their two girls and THE BEST HUSBAND to the woman who CHOSE HIM!

Mamapumpkin is the girl who has nothing but fights for everything including YOU. She is idealistic in her desire to put unbelievable amounts of money and extrardinary happiness into the lives of good people so we can change the world together believing in happiness for ALL. She strives to impact lives authentically wanting to reduce poverty cycles and enable quality education for all and always supports the voiceless. She believes we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn how to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave to take action. Mamapumpkin's purpose is to build people. Her gift is to help them UNCOVER their HIDDEN GIFTS. She operates fairly and always leaves an impression. You either love her or not and she is alright either way.

She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything with anyone, as she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.