You know, I don’t mean to brag but I have helped a serious lot of people. Of course, this is relative, because what you define as a lot and what I feel is a lot could be entirely different. Let’s just say I have a helpful personality. You know how some people hardly ever help and then you have those who are ever ready to help and then you have everyone in between the help spectrum? Well, I probably fall in the help too much sucker scale. This year I was actually asking myself why I did what I did because it was making me very depressed. And so I stopped helping. There is no point helping if helping no longer brought me the joy that it always did!
I went through several months of turmoil trying to figure out why I liked giving, why I gave so much, and why I was now upset about giving, and if I should continue giving people who stabbed me.
Why I like giving
I guess it is more a nature of habit than anything else but giving brings true joy into my heart. I have everything I need. I have EVERYTHING. I am so complete with my humble family and home. There is absolutely nothing for me to complain about as I have a really happy life and love my crazy little family to bits as they make me laugh crazily day in-day out, so what is there not to be happy about?
Why I give so much
This was probably the most difficult question to answer. I even asked myself if it was my own low self esteem that made me give away so much. Like you know, since I didn’t value myself, I gave everything away because I didn’t think I deserved it? When I told a few people that I gave away a third to half my income randomly every month to the needy, they were shocked. They said they couldn’t possibly do that because they wouldn’t be able to live otherwise. But then again, they don’t earn near what I did. Thus it is very doable for me to give away a brand new car monthly. My expenses are all paid for so this is extra cash for me. Why ever not if it were to help so many people? But then I look at those who are way richer than I am and they do not activate the same generosity that I do so I question myself over and over just why I do what I do. I must be fucked in the head! So I told myself to stop for awhile, just try. It was a futile exercise because the moment someone came to me with a sop story, I would be putty. I hate that. Because it makes me feel like I have the word SUCKER drawn in red on my forehead.
One of the reasons could possibly be that so many people gave to me in the past to help me that now I am just passing it on. It’s true. I have been so blessed at the receiving end from Toh Puan Aishah, DD Ken Yeang, Lisa Bernadetti, TS AK Nathan, Mark Davies, Mark Regus and so many others who have truly made an impact in my life to bring me where I am today. Countless blessings. The least I can do is pass it on. But still, the issue is why give RM100 when you can give RM1,000? And then the kids will ask me, why wouldn’t I save the RM1,000 for them instead of giving it to someone else? SIGH!!!!
Why I am upset about giving
This is simple. My late mom used to tell me that she got hurt when she gave someone a lot of jewellery and then they’d in turn give it away to someone else, and I used to explain to her that once you give, it is no longer yours to dictate. We give without expectation so if the person wants to throw it out, so be it. We have done our part. Until this hit me that several of the people that I have given to turned around not just without a thank you (that’s OK, since we are not meant to expect it) but stabbed me in the back instead!!! Now tell me, should I continue giving then to those who stab me? Being the sucker that I am, I did!!!! What a fuckwit, right? It’s like OK I am giving this to you because you need the cash and blablablabla since I have the cash, I will give it to you. But then these very same people would go betray me and stab me in the back! I suddenly woke up one day and asked myself now why the fuck would I give to BAD people when there are so many other GOOD people who could use this help. And so I stopped. I am SO GLAD I have stopped. So many people are ungrateful and do not deserve my help AT ALL. Mind you, I never expected anything back from any of them when I helped them. But to be treated like trash, no thank you. I have built businesses for people, marketed their brands, paid for their living expenses, you name it. NOT WORTH IT.
I am now trying my levelled best to bite the bullet whenever anyone asks me for money or suggests that I contribute because I am seriously only going to contribute to the causes that I believe in and want to with my anonymous secret society. It is enough. Just call me the selfish cow who never gives. I do not care. Do NOT come to me for any money.
Giving people who stab me
And as much as I say no and resolve to stop giving, I am actually going against my grain and then when I do not give, I feel all unsettled and uncomfortable. Oh man!!! This is how I see it. When I feel like giving, I will give. And when I don’t feel like giving, I won’t. My heart is really entwined in this circle of giving because as much as giving is part of my nature, I hate it when people take advantage of me. And then I hate it when the people I really want to give to won’t accept my gift.
The reason I started this post was really to discuss how ungrateful people can get. I have done so much for some people until my illness deteriorated last year and my medical bills escalated and now, those very same people have turned around with malicious intent. It breaks my heart. It really does.
**************************************************************************Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin is a former Design Architect turned Multi-Million Dollar Digital Entrepreneur. She sets out to prove to all that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.
Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past and doubled her salary 5 times over 5 organisations but has grown THREE BUSINESSES to 7 FIGURES within an 8 year period. She now shows others EXACTLY HOW after retiring her own husband from employment. He is now the official dog walker, family driver, chef and THE BEST FATHER to their two girls and THE BEST HUSBAND to the woman who CHOSE HIM!
Mamapumpkin is the girl who has nothing but fights for everything including YOU. She is idealistic in her desire to put unbelievable amounts of money and extrardinary happiness into the lives of good people so we can change the world together believing in happiness for ALL. She strives to impact lives authentically wanting to reduce poverty cycles and enable quality education for all and always supports the voiceless. She believes we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.
A beautiful life without limits.
If you wish to learn how to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave to take action. Mamapumpkin's purpose is to build people. Her gift is to help them UNCOVER their HIDDEN GIFTS. She operates fairly and always leaves an impression. You either love her or not and she is alright either way.
She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything with anyone, as she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.
