What to do when your child hits

Today, a mom at school came up to me to tell me that HER daughter told her that Tee had smacked her.

Oops.

I apologised even without knowing if it was true or not. I mean, these three year olds……they’re really into making up stories, aren’t they?

Later when I got to see Tee, I asked her if she had smacked A and she said no. Not convinced, I asked her all day, bringing it up every now and then, after three to four hour intervals. By dinner time, she finally said yes. She did it because A had snatched a toy away from her. I asked her what toy it was and she described it. At this point, I still wasn’t sure if she was making up stories because if you knew my daughter, she is quite the story teller akin to that Harry Potter lady. And I wasn’t sure if she said yes because she was so tired of me asking that darn blasted question, as if I didn’t trust her.

Later, I told another mom what had happened and she was shocked. She said Tee wasn’t the smacking type! Hmm……

When I saw angry mom again later, I apologised again and explained that her daughter had apparently snatched a toy away from Tee, causing Tee to react. I continued to explain that I have told Tee that it doesn’t give her a reason to smack other children and that she doesn’t do it again. Guess what the mom said?

“Yah, but does this mean she really wouldn’t smack again?”

Holy shit. I don’t think even the PhD doctor in child psychology could answer that question. So I shrugged my shoulders and gave her that worried, apologetic, concerned look. What should I have done? Tell her not to worry? Or tell her that I’d kill my girl if she ever smacked again?

LATER still, I asked Tee’s teacher if she had noticed Tee smacking anyone and told her that this is what A told her mother. Tee’s teacher was quick to her defense saying that she has always been beside A this last week and nobody has smacked her. She spoke with total conviction. *sigh*

I feel bad because I don’t really know what happened and don’t really want to reprimand my daughter when she is innocent. As I know it, Tee doesn’t like this A girl because she wants things her way ALL THE TIME. And expects her way all the time. A case of accidental parenting, whilst I’m not suggesting my style of parenting is greater.

Today, we went to another friend’s house and Tee’s friend was telling a joke. We all found it so funny that Tee, being over-excited as she was, smacked the girl in laughter. I wouldn’t exactly call it a smack, but a hit. Not a hard hit either. The way you would bang the table if you found something so funny. The way I would smack a friend if he took the piss out of me. A funny, friendly kind of smack. I have no idea where she’s picked up this friendly smacking from whenever she gets excited from too much laughter. It is not a painful smack but I guess I should just tell Tee to contain her hands when she laughs in future.

So I spoke to more moms later, and they were all shocked too that Tee had smacked.

Oh well.

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5 thoughts on “What to do when your child hits

  1. My son is a hitter, hugger, total personal space invader. I honestly think I am going to go underground and hide from the world. I always cringe when it’s time to be around other kids.

    Tee is innocent, she didn’t hit that kid. 🙂

    Tell mean mom to take a walk or Tee’s auntie Tanyetta from california will fly out there and it won’t be pretty when I get there! 🙂

    You know kids be lying and stuff 🙂

  2. if i were u, i wouldnt concern much as kids tend to hit or smack when in school. not all kids do that, but i will still tell my children not to do that though. kids hitting are often not that serious. wait till they r older!! hahaha!!
    but i wld be very pissed with that mother for answering that. would her daughter wont snatch toys anymore??

  3. The next time this woman accuses Tee again, ask her for proof and don’t offer her any apology. By accusing Tee, she is at the same time showing everyone that her own kid is a liar. So she is not helping anyone.

    Let her know that you welcome the truth (proof) so that this matter could be resolved amicably because no parents want their kids to grow up bad.

  4. Charm is right. We need evidence. Blaming a child for something we did not see with our own eyes or with no proof, will make the child feel untrusted.

    I think Tee’s reaction is very common among children. They hit because someone provoke them and they cannot control their anger.

    When my son hit his brother when disturbed, I told him to use this method: “Next time when your brother disturb you, hug him and say I love you, you are my friend instead of hitting him. Hitting doesn’t stop him from disturbing you. You hit him and he hits you back and there’s no stop. Why don’t you stop first. Your brother will eventually stop too.

  5. Hey.. BP,
    With children hor.. i learned to take everything not too seriously. Children will always be children.. and if a mother is all so upset.. because of some pushing or smacking around.. then i think that mom has got problems. Just remember .. children will always be children.

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