The last few weeks at school have been report card days with parents and one of the topics that have come up is how far a teacher should go when she doesn’t have a good report about your kid. Should she just tell it like it is? Or add sugar into her words for some sweet tact? Or just focus on the positive and ignore the bad stuff?

In Tee’s class, there is this really sweet girl who is as shy and as quiet as a mouse. We’ve been with her over 2 semesters when we were doing the parent accompanied programme (meaning I got to observe her for 2 whole semesters) and now, she has been at playschool for 3 semesters (unaccompanied, where I got to observe her for another 2 weeks as Tee, the drama queen, insisted I stayed in class with her for a whole 2 weeks when she first started school).

This girl, let’s call her Claire, she clung onto her Mommy for dear life, for the entire 2 hours when we were doing the accompanied programme. She didn’t say a word nor did she leave the clutches of her Mommy’s waist. We nicknamed her Baby Koala. I didn’t think she would be ready for playschool (unaccompanied) but her Mommy said, “She’ll be READY.”

Then when Tee entered at Semester 2 of Playschool (with Claire having done already 1 whole semester before her at playschool), I noticed that Claire STILL wasn’t participating in anything. I subjected it to off days, tiredness, moodiness, shyness, whatever……and didn’t think too much about it. After 2 weeks and then 2 semesters of seeing glimpses of her when I dropped Tee off and picked her up, I must say I have only heard Claire’s voice once. She is one shy girl! And at the other end of the spectrum, we have Tee, who is just not shy AT ALL. Sometimes this makes me shy *smile*.

Today, I heard that Claire’s Mommy was extremely offended over Claire’s report from her teachers who said that they have tried very hard to bring Claire out of her shell but have been unsuccessful. They added that they couldn’t even write a real assessment of the child because she not only didn’t participate in any of the activities at school, she didn’t talk. They couldn’t tell if there was something upsetting the child or if she was just a girl of few words. Anyway, in not so many words, this was the gist of Claire’s review and her Mommy was not at all pleased.

What do you think the teachers should have done?

Pretend to Claire’s Mommy that Claire was a lovely girl and always sitting quietly, if only the rest could be the same? Or???

Tee’s principal when conducting a parenting workshop, said that we as parents should always focus on the positive. When a child comes home with 7 out of 10 for his writing exercise, we praise the 7. There are actually some parents who ask the child what happened to the other 3, or how come you didn’t get 10 out of 10, or we’ve been through this so many times!!

So a parent asked, what if the child comes home with only 1 out of 10? She said…..then you say, WOW! You got ONE out of 10? How cool is that? Would you like to get 2 out of 10 the next time? Let’s see how you can get 2 out of 10…..

And what if the child comes home with zero out of 10? Then you find something ELSE positive to say, like Hey, look at the way you’ve written your ‘i’ – the dots on your ‘i’s are REALLY perfect!!! Well done!!!

She proclaims that the child will eventually catch up and find his path towards improvement but we must never, ever knock them. As ruining their confidence sets them back 10 steps when they could have been ahead.

So?

Some Moms say that the teachers must’ve been tired that day to say something borderline negative about Claire, especially since it goes against their principal’s methodology of dealing with children (although I don’t think it did, since it wasn’t said to the child). Some Moms think they would want to know the plain truth and nothing but the truth. Some Moms bitch that Claire’s Mom is defensive because she is guilty and knows something the teachers don’t. Which brings to the question then that your child’s personality and demeanour really reflect what goes on at home? Or does it.

Maybe the poor girl is just really, really SHY!!!

Any child psychologists out there?

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