I have a spoilt daughter. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely girl. Buts she’s spoilt (OK, so am I in many ways but that’s for a different story altogether). For the last 6 years of her life, she has been the favourite grandchild of both grandparents and of course, our only little one too. So you can imagine……even her uncles love her to death.
So what happens then? You have a little princess who not only gets her way most of the time (not with me nor her dad, but with everyone else) and one who has SO MUCH STUFF!!! When she wanted books, she got. When she wanted toys, she got. When she wanted parties, she got. When she wanted to go places, she went. And because she has always done so well in school, there was little reason not to feel that she did not deserve anything. She has visited various orphanages several times since the age of three and is well aware how lucky she is . She is a loving, compassionate, kind and helpful girl. She is energetic, bubbly, funny and intelligent.
But at almost seven (7) years of age, her mouth is now starting to bite. Little catty remarks (which I perceive as back talk) that some people find ‘smart’ are actually too smart for my liking.
So last Sunday, she got the shelling of her life.
I am a damn busy working Mom now. I have very little time to oversee her school work and home work and hardly know what she gets up to at school but because she is so independent and comes home with glowing reports, I don’t worry too much. After all, she is only in Primary School, for goodness sake. But last Sunday, whilst taking a break from my work, I decided to check her homework and found that there were some mistakes in her weakest subject – English.
On an off tangent, I’d like to mention that we only did these type of essays when we were in Standard Four. I remember very clearly when I was in Standard Four, the requirement to write a one page one hundred word essay, and here, the standard of English was so high that poor Standard One kids were already doing it.
The task was to write an essay of 125 words about The Life Cycle of Plants. The entire essay had ‘helping words’ which the teacher had assigned and all she had to do was to construct proper sentences and organise the flow of the story into three paragraphs. I noticed that she was not sure where to put commas and told her to correct them. She wrote a paragraph as follows without adding ANY commas : First the seed germinates in a suitable condition. It grows to a seedling then to a young plant. From the young plant it changes into an adult plant. Plants need water sunlight air and proper soil.
I told her she needed to put a comma in the appropriate places (check your own English now – how many commas to go to the above paragraph?) and she sighed, took her book and huffed off. After a minute, I took a look and she had not put the commas in the places I had told her to (some right, some wrong). So I told her again. And again, she huffed off moaning that it was Sunday. This kind of attitude really ticks me off.
Excuse me, it was Sunday but did she do any work on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday??? NO. So what was the big problem? How many times have I EVER asked her to do any work? This was my golden opportunity to look at her school books and all I was doing was helping her do the right thing and attitude was what I got?
She kept quiet knowing very well where I was coming from. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t like spending a few minutes correcting her work or whether she didn’t like being WRONG. She is such a perfectionist that it could very well be that she didn’t like knowing she was WRONG!!! This has happened before. Let’s say she calculates something and I say it is wrong, she will then say that it’s how they do it at Tessa Land!
So she huffed off again and because her brain was not set in the right mode, she kept getting it wrong. So silly. If she’d started with the right attitude, she would have gotten it right the first time round and could have moved on to her reading or whatever it is she wanted to do. But because she had a block from the start, she’d self-inflicted a morning of stress for EVERYONE.
After returning to do her comma exercise for the, I don’t know, fifth time? She flung her eraser hard onto the glass door in a tantrum and that is when I really lost it. I got up and yelled at her, then threw a water bottle, a high chair and a set of keys, just to show her we could play the throwing things game if she liked! Then I threw her school English composition book into the dustbin, which is when she started crying and screaming because she didn’t want to lose her school book.
Oh, so much drama on a Sunday morning and it was Father’s Day as well.
Why does it have to be so difficult? I was only trying to help.
Immediately, I started feeling how ungrateful she was and how dare she even throw a fit when she already had such a cushy life, doesn’t study for exams and gets everything she wants!!!
Then, the Hubs got angry. All he wanted on Father’s Day was to have a sleep in and although we’d cooked him the very nice clichéd breakfast, he was NOT happy about the commotion that we’d caused in front of poor little T2.
T1 and I were effectively having a mother-daughter row. I’d hate to think what happens when she’s 15. I told her that she did not DESERVE to go to school, let alone an INTERNATIONAL school of which her Dad has to work through his ass to pay and how rude was she to throw an eraser and show me her black face! Oh, I was SO mad!!!
After ALL I had sacrificed for her? After ALL I had taught her? After ALL I had invested in her? This is what I got?
No, sir-ee!!
But the girl got smart. She started apologising immediately when she saw how hurt I was. And to cut a long story short, I made her sign a contract which said that she was to listen to me on first count and act immediately WITHOUT any attitude.
Because this was becoming a bad habit………
A typical scenario in our household:
“T1, have you brushed your teeth?”
“T1?”
“T1!!!!”
“YES!”
“I said, have you brushed your teeth???”
“Nooooo…..”
“Please go brush your teeth….”
*silence*
“Did you hear what I said?”
I pop my head out and she’s still busy fixing some lego.
“T1! Stop what you’re doing now and go brush your teeth! We have to leave soon!”
“YA! I just need to finish this…..”
*wait 5 minutes and go back to my dressing room*
“T1, have you brushed your teeth?”
*silence*
“T1!!! I said go brush your teeth or we’re leaving you at home!”
“Coming!!!”
*Mommy pops out again to find T1 STILL lying down fixing her lego!!!*
“How many times do I have to ask you to brush your teeth!???!!!! GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH NOW!!!!”
*T1 grunts and storms to bathroom*
*MOMMY IS STRESSED*
When Mommy is stressed, Daddy is stressed. When Daddy is stressed, T1 gets stressed. When T1 gets stressed, T2 gets stressed. And at the end of it, everybody is stressed and the whole day is ruined before we’ve even set out the door for a FUN day. With work stress already up my arse, I still have to put up with this type of nonsense! I’m sure it’s quite common in many families, but oh! It is so painful.
The Hub’s strategy? No more birthday parties. No more toys, books or ANYTHING. And if she does not learn that she has to respect her parents and speak politely AT ALL TIMES, then she will have to leave school. And the threat of taking her out of school, is because she truly loves her school…….
She has been warned.
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Ooooh! Nice disciplining! Once gooly was wailing n shouted. I shouted back and saif, I can shout too, even louder, do you like it??! *shake hand* same mind we have yo!
an essay of 125 words about The Life Cycle of Plants?? wow..i tot she is only same age as qiqi?
anyway good to see that you still manage to get above T1. Ya, imagine when she is 15, if she could get away this time.
you found what hurts her most — getting her off the school. good.
we have this scenario at home everyday.. sigh..
OMG!!! What you are going through sounds exactly like what we go through in our household! (shows how common it is with 7 year olds huh..) So many times too we have threatened to pull Keegan out of his school and send him to one close to our place…Ben’s attitude is “why pay all these amount of fees to an ungrateful child”. Mind you we know that he is sensible, and he KNOWS. And like Tessa, he is not exactly naughty. They are good, really and we should consider ourselves lucky to have such smart, mature and responsible 7 year olds ..(the more I think about it, the more I think they should get together!). But they are kids anyways, and if they don’t misbehave once in a while, then something is not right. My dad would always say, “they are not robots, if you want someone who listens to your all the time and does what you say, then go buy yourself a robot”!!! haha. Point taken, Dad!
Take it easy lah. She just feels neglected and picked on all the time. Chill. You’ll pop a vein.
Eh come to think of it, she’s as hard-headed as you 🙂
My 5 yr old girl is starting to have that trait now … it ain’t easy being a parent…
the big problem is that you hardly ask her to do any work, that’s the problem! coz that’s her norm.
try asking her to do work everyday and her definition of norm shifts and she would probably just finish off her work, all correct, in less than 10 secs, WITHOUT any attitude.
aiyah.. you know that already laa.. you just wanna rant only, haimoe?
The part u mentioned how u called T1 and she just kept quiet… continue with whatever she is doing is exactly wat is happening to my 7 yrs old boy too!!! We also beh than with it!!!
I just have to LoL! I’m sorry but it really tickles me, your post, esp the part where the hubs has to wake up to a commotion. It sometimes happen in this household and the man will have a, what is happening look. Terrible situation for everyone to go through.
I usually feel so puffed up during those times when the kids don’t listen but now, I simply tell them, I only have to give instructions once and you listen. If they don’t, they have to follow me everywhere in the house until they are ready to listen to me again. And when I go to the toilet, they wait outside. It gets incredibly boring for them to go where I go and do what I do, just because they have failed to listen the 1st time! Try it!
And I have to threaten to put mine back into school while you threaten to take yours out! Hahahah …. I’m so tickled!!!! But oh, I always feel sorry about threatening them afterwards. What if one day they say, “Ok! Let’s do it!”
omg! her essays are tough!
i also throw my tantrum back at my girls when they’re rude (very guilty but i’m showing them back who’s the boss in the house). at least t1 knows how to feel sorry. i wld be more worried if she doesnt.
If T1 really loves playing LEGO, seal an agreement with her, like okay, you can continue to play for 5 mins, after that, go and brush your teeth. After 5 mins, if she still playing LEGO, stand next to her, look at her in the eyes, and tell her it’s already 5 mins, “now, go and brush your teeth” then make sure she is not playing anymore and heading to bathroom, first, before you made your first move.
I use this approach for my niece and nephew, and most of the time it works.
Just to share, the thing that I noticed about toodler and baby is that, when give and take, and let them know that we understand their anticipation and share their happiness and excitement, they’ll be more interested in hearing us, the adult. Eventually, listen to us.
Yes, I agree, children, irregardless of whatever situation, they MUST respect their parents.