I’m not sure which part exactly I screwed up in nor where and when but somewhere along the last three years of Tee’s life, there has been some accidental parenting going on. Accidental parenting was defined by the late Tracy Hoggs as whatever we do as parents unknowingly that lead to problems later on. (if you’re about to be a first time parent, please read her book. It was my bible and the best thing I could have asked for in Tee’s first few months of life).
So……..accidental parenting. It’s created a monster so defiant that my fear shudders me into Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard. I’ve tried talking nicely, I’ve tried talking not so nicely. I’ve tried threats, I’ve tried bribes. I’ve tried being over-attentive and moderately attentive. But still, this little girl has a will of kryptonite and is bordering on selfish disobedience.
I do not understand why she has to keep food in her mouth. I tell her to either swallow it, or spit it out. But she will chew and chew and chew till fungus grows through her cheeks yet refuses to do anything about it. Then she will want to move. Something about having a bad food day makes her bum itch with worms that she has to practise gymnastics with food in her mouth. So what do you guys do if you have children like that? Who totally go deaf when they’re having a bad food day?
I have sent her for time-outs in the thinking corner. She goes happily and nothing is learnt. I have scolded her and she answers back and then gets the thinking corner again. I have removed toys privileges and this works somewhat. Actually, this works quite well; but I am still curious to know how you discipline your very disobedient three year old.
Tee has the mouth of Indian cum Eurasian roots and she is driving me to lunacy. What are the benchmarks for discipline and time-outs? My girl is WAY too spoilt and I want her in line NOW before it gets too late. Please…….share with me your tried and tested methods. I realise that not every parent has the toddler with an inborn personality of a strong bull but for those of you who do, I am reaching out to you for guidance.
ps – I forgot to add: whenever I scold her, sometimes she will say “I DON’T love you!”, sometimes she will abuse herself (like banging her head on the wall or some hard object, or slapping her face – I have no idea where she gets this from but it sure is worrying).
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eh, why no comments yet? honestly, i’m looking for answers too! i have two kids and they are as different as day and night in many ways, so how to accuse accidental parenting? unless we’re jekyl and hyde, 😀
one thing i learn is to not fight fire with fire. you can’t use hard methods to deal with a stubborn kid. sometimes, i have had to resort to wearing a mask and smile a lot (despite the urge to strangle him!) when trying to talk sense into him. i find this the hardest to do because it means faking it. the easiest would be to raise my voice, raise the cane or simply ignore the problem and wish it away
tee has a hard head on those tiny shoulders, and she’s smart too. she just knows which buttons to push to make things work her way. she probably enjoys attention too, and does things to ensure she gets them.
bottomline is – you’re definitely not alone in this. i’m another casualty, if i may call it so, haha!
lik jun behaves very well in the presence of strangers. when someone new feeds him, he finishes his food in lightning speed. hey i have an idea…wanna swap kids?
To console you a bit, you are not alone here. I have a super duper stubborn gal too…She’s only 30 months but gosh she can really answers back when I scold her. Patsy, I’ve tried everything you did with Tee also but to no avail. I tried reasoning, smacking, scolding, soft approach, hard approach, you name it, and I’ve tried it. She just doesn’t seem to change.
Joanne suggested that I try the positive parenting approach but I find that Chloe just not buying it as she‘s worse than before. I’ve tried following Dr James Dobson’s way of disciplining too but I found it too harsh to my liking.
At the time being, I resorted to praises, bribes and treats though it may not be the most accurate way to teach her but what do you know, it works on her.
Threats only work (for future use) if the actually threat is implemented when the child goes overboard with her defiance. As with bribes. I have an “opposition team” at home, so I really cannot afford to be nice all the time.
Every child is so different though. No one can tell you how to discipline yours, so I am just sharing my way. 🙂
hmm, well at least your kid eats. mine doesn’t eat much. she doesn’t even like pizza! something is wrong, everybody loves pizza i told her. not everybody, she says.
humph.
i haven’t had any real discipline problems with my daughter, which makes me think, she’s going to give me a run for my money when she gets to be a teenager. i do try to be consistent when it comes to discipline. when i tell her something, it is never a threat. she can trust my word as sure as the sun will rise. i’m the parent and she’s the daughter, her job is to obey first. it’s for her protection and own good.