A Mother’s Monologue

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    • MP101

    1. I was born in Singapore but I am NOT a citizen of Singapore.
    2. Many people wanted to adopt me but my mother chose to keep me.
    3. My youngest memory was when I was 3 years old.
    4. I used to have a photographic memory.
    5. I was always well liked by my teachers at school.
    6. I used to bite my younger brother when he was crawling.
    7. I even chased him round the house with a meat cleaver.
    8. I was first kissed by a boy at 5. His name was Christopher.
    9. I had my 1st French kiss at 12 - forced entry! His name is now Chris.
    10. I was a school athlete (100m, 200m, 4×100m, high-jump, long-jump)
    11. I was a national swimmer (for 1 event only) at 14 and trained with Nurul Huda.
    12. I learnt to smoke Marlboro Reds at 14.
    13. And many more things happened when I was 14…..
    14. I snuck out my first car when I was 16. I did that for a whole year.
    15. I snuck out as well obviously….after watching Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
    16. I ran through a glass door at super speed when I was 10.
    17. As a result I have scars from 30 stitches all over my body.
    18. I had feet operation when I was 14 which left me in crutches for a whole month.
    19. I wanted to be a Doctor but the idea of mugging for 7 years turned me off.
    20. Then I found out too late that Architecture took 7 years as well!
    21. I used to read mystery books as a teenager, never romance.
    22. But I can be romantic as hell…..
    23. I am an independant loner comfortable in my own skin.
    24. I used to suffer from hemaphlegic migraines where half my body would get numb.
    25. I suffer from asthma and sinusitis too. Plus mild eczema and smelly fart (Ok I’m kidding!).
    26. I am terrified of needles and reptiles of any sort. I swear to God.
    27. I can heck beetles and cockroaches (i.e. I won’t freak out)
    28. I have completed Pianoforte Grade 8 and used to teach for extra cash.
    29. I have travelled thousands of metres underground to the salt mines in Poland.
    30. I have been to the Auschwitz concentration camps.
    31. And also to the studios where Steven Spielberg filmed Schindler’s List.
    32. I have sailed a yacht (mono-hull and catamaran) and gone sailing many times.
    33. I am good at roller skating, roller blading and ice skating. OK I used to be.
    34. I was an amateur gymnast at 14 and wanted to be the next Nadia Comaneci.
    35. I have very thin hair and am almost balding now. Help!
    36. I have a lot of cellulite. Genetic.
    37. The power in my right eye is double that of my left eye and it’s bloody annoying.
    38. I love cake and chocolate. The more fattening the better.
    39. I don’t like fizzy drinks. They make me burp. BUU……RRRRP! (excuse me)
    40. I love to read. I love to read. I love to read.
    41. I hate waiting for people to get out of their parking spots, who then do not tell you that they actually aren’t leaving. God, I so want to ram into their cars when that happens!
    42. Some friends have decided not to be my friend anymore. That makes me sad.
    43. A good friend of mine jumped off 22 floors. I still want her to come back.
    44. I used to have a lingerie collection when I first started having sex.
    45. I have been told I can be very charming….
    46. I was in every school play with a lead role. Trial by Jury, A Midsummer Night’s Dream….too many to list.
    47. I look down on dishonesty and get irritated by people who beat around the bush.
    48. I am too direct for my own good and that usually gets me into some trouble.
    49. I took 7 months off to design a perfect wedding at minimal cost.
    50. We had our Honeymoon in Paris. It was my 2nd time there and I still loved the air.
    51. I used to live with a French girl in San Francisco who’d walk around naked in the summer.
    52. I wore bra and shorts during the heat wave in England. I couldn’t do nudity.
    53. I have an uncle who is a local celebrity.
    54. My childhood best girlfriend is also a local celebrity.
    55. I love cooking and baking. Feeding happy tummies make me happy.
    56. I ran away from home once for a week at 16 and lived on the streets.
    57. I’m dreaming right now of a Volvo XC90 for me & T.
    58. I have 2 younger brothers. A senior copywriter at an international advertising agency and a student at RMIT studying Accountancy.
    59. I studied in London for 7 years. I was in London for 7 years with the intention to study.
    60. My Uni-mate designed Sarah Jessica Parker’s loft in NYC.
    61. I missed a 1 month trip to India because I was too in love with my then boyfriend.
    62. I was initially going to get married on a hilltop church in Montorfano beside Lake Como, Italy.
    63. I dumped the boy when he was doing his final year exams in Dentistry. Heartless bitch.
    64. My friend, who is now a Doctor, married him instead. Bless her.
    65. I can say with conviction that the happiest day of my life really is the day T was born.
    66. My wedding comes a close second. Thanks to me.
    67. I was attracted to my husband the moment I met him because he looked damn sexy but had the strongest American accent, which he’s now managed to trash.
    68. I was once rich enough to give away thousand dollar ang pows.
    69. I now wish someone would give me thousand dollar ang pows!
    70. I am generous to a fault and love buying presents for people. Love makes the world go round!
    71. I fell on my back when I was at the Outward Bound School and never recovered.
    72. I am too lazy to put on make-up preferring to believe I am naturally beautiful. (puke here)
    73. I dress like a maid but I’m making more of an effort now. Think Guess jeans and fitting tops.
    74. I have retired from roller-coasters. My heart can’t take it anymore since 5 years ago.
    75. I once had a fetish with sunflowers. I’d collect everything sunflowery……
    76. I love staying at posh hotels with my design background. If only I had the money….
    77. I hate hospitals. Period.
    78. The first car I drove was a Volvo tank and I needed 2 cushions as props to reach the pedals.
    79. I tried diving but being asthmatic, it freaked me out so I only snorkel instead.
    80. I love spas and massages……my husband doesn’t.
    81. I get bored easilly and need humour to live!
    82. I’ve studied French and Italian in Europe but no promises now. Je ne sais pas.
    83. I have a passion for children’s charities. Ever since I used to spend time with the disadvantaged when I was still at school.
    84. I once went to Church everyday and got infatuated with a Priest.
    85. I am at high risk for cancer, diabetes and stroke. But I still love my pork and sugar!
    86. I can’t stand incorrect grammar in the corporate world. Make an effort, people or don’t expect to win my contract.
    87. I’ve had two miscarriages. The first was traumatising as my husband couldn’t be by my side.
    88. I’ve climbed Gunung Tahan. No intentions of doing Mount Kinabalu.
    89. I wish my Mother In Law adored me more than she does now.
    90. I cannot sleep without a blanket, no matter how hot it is.
    91. I used to love pink. I hate it now. But still invariably have lots of pink - urgh!
    92. I love expensive shoes but have nowhere to wear them to. Linked to my passion for good design and quality.
    93. I have slapped 3 people in my life and slapped back by more, unfortunately.
    94. I have never needed to have an abortion but have accompanied someone for one.
    95. I have a lot of love to give. But I’m saving it for my kids.
    96. I love Madonna and I used to fantasise having sex with Boy George. Shoot me!
    97. I wish I was 45kg again. Really. 34-24-36 back to the good old days.
    98. I have nice and neat handwriting but can’t draw for peanuts.
    99. My IQ is 146 (last tested) - could be 88 now.
    100. I am highly sexed.
    101. My husband and daughter vouch that I am the greatest Mom on this planet :-)

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