You know, I don’t mean to brag but I have helped a serious lot of people. Of course, this is relative, because what you define as a lot and what I feel is a lot could be entirely different. Let’s just say I have a helpful personality. You know how some people hardly ever help and then you have those who are ever ready to help and then you have everyone in between the help spectrum? Well, I probably fall in the help too much sucker scale. This year I was actually asking myself why I did what I did because it was making me very depressed. And so I stopped helping. There is no point helping if helping no longer brought me the joy that it always did!
I went through several months of turmoil trying to figure out why I liked giving, why I gave so much, and why I was now upset about giving, and if I should continue giving people who stabbed me.
Why I like giving
I guess it is more a nature of habit than anything else but giving brings true joy into my heart. I have everything I need. I have EVERYTHING. I am so complete with my humble family and home. There is absolutely nothing for me to complain about as I have a really happy life and love my crazy little family to bits as they make me laugh crazily day in-day out, so what is there not to be happy about?
Why I give so much
This was probably the most difficult question to answer. I even asked myself if it was my own low self esteem that made me give away so much. Like you know, since I didn’t value myself, I gave everything away because I didn’t think I deserved it? When I told a few people that I gave away a third to half my income randomly every month to the needy, they were shocked. They said they couldn’t possibly do that because they wouldn’t be able to live otherwise. But then again, they don’t earn near what I did. Thus it is very doable for me to give away a brand new car monthly. My expenses are all paid for so this is extra cash for me. Why ever not if it were to help so many people? But then I look at those who are way richer than I am and they do not activate the same generosity that I do so I question myself over and over just why I do what I do. I must be fucked in the head! So I told myself to stop for awhile, just try. It was a futile exercise because the moment someone came to me with a sop story, I would be putty. I hate that. Because it makes me feel like I have the word SUCKER drawn in red on my forehead.
One of the reasons could possibly be that so many people gave to me in the past to help me that now I am just passing it on. It’s true. I have been so blessed at the receiving end from Toh Puan Aishah, DD Ken Yeang, Lisa Bernadetti, TS AK Nathan, Mark Davies, Mark Regus and so many others who have truly made an impact in my life to bring me where I am today. Countless blessings. The least I can do is pass it on. But still, the issue is why give RM100 when you can give RM1,000? And then the kids will ask me, why wouldn’t I save the RM1,000 for them instead of giving it to someone else? SIGH!!!!
Why I am upset about giving
This is simple. My late mom used to tell me that she got hurt when she gave someone a lot of jewellery and then they’d in turn give it away to someone else, and I used to explain to her that once you give, it is no longer yours to dictate. We give without expectation so if the person wants to throw it out, so be it. We have done our part. Until this hit me that several of the people that I have given to turned around not just without a thank you (that’s OK, since we are not meant to expect it) but stabbed me in the back instead!!! Now tell me, should I continue giving then to those who stab me? Being the sucker that I am, I did!!!! What a fuckwit, right? It’s like OK I am giving this to you because you need the cash and blablablabla since I have the cash, I will give it to you. But then these very same people would go betray me and stab me in the back! I suddenly woke up one day and asked myself now why the fuck would I give to BAD people when there are so many other GOOD people who could use this help. And so I stopped. I am SO GLAD I have stopped. So many people are ungrateful and do not deserve my help AT ALL. Mind you, I never expected anything back from any of them when I helped them. But to be treated like trash, no thank you. I have built businesses for people, marketed their brands, paid for their living expenses, you name it. NOT WORTH IT.
I am now trying my levelled best to bite the bullet whenever anyone asks me for money or suggests that I contribute because I am seriously only going to contribute to the causes that I believe in and want to with my anonymous secret society. It is enough. Just call me the selfish cow who never gives. I do not care. Do NOT come to me for any money.
Giving people who stab me
And as much as I say no and resolve to stop giving, I am actually going against my grain and then when I do not give, I feel all unsettled and uncomfortable. Oh man!!! This is how I see it. When I feel like giving, I will give. And when I don’t feel like giving, I won’t. My heart is really entwined in this circle of giving because as much as giving is part of my nature, I hate it when people take advantage of me. And then I hate it when the people I really want to give to won’t accept my gift.
The reason I started this post was really to discuss how ungrateful people can get. I have done so much for some people until my illness deteriorated last year and my medical bills escalated and now, those very same people have turned around with malicious intent. It breaks my heart. It really does.**************************************************************************
Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett BSc in Architecture. She spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this Mamapumpkin blog since over 10 years ago and thereafter returned to the Corporate World stronger than ever. Her last job as Country Director of a British Railway Signalling organisation saw her getting ill with an aortal and mitral heart valve regurgitation and cancer. Through her journey from working to not working to working again, she sets out to prove to all women that they can do anything and everything that they set out to do; as long as they have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard with oodles of love, passion and integrity.
Despite being ill, she has grown a network marketing business from little knowledge and experience in the otherwise infamously known MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, racing from an income of ZERO to RM 100,000 monthly in merely 2 years. She is a firm believer of the MLM business model but realises the pitfalls too and understands how and why the majority of people would shy away from any MLM business.
She is now pondering the title of her new book, From Zero to 100,000 RM monthly in 2 years and has a sequel in the pipeline with the aim of helping real professionals succeed in the World of MLM. Always the giver, Mamapumpkin has supported orphans for years and has now extended her care to the sick, single mothers, and even struggling families. She believes that with the MLM business model, we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world.
A beautiful life without limits.
Mamapumpkin currently manages the Homeschooling Hub Malaysia on Facebook. She also runs Working Women Malaysia (not THAT kind of Working Women LOL), Mamapumpkin - Creating A Life of Abundance, and Funky Moms on Facebook to offer REAL support to all women who want career and life success. She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially free has enabled her to travel the world anytime anywhere doing anything, and she spends most of her day to day with her children, reading and supporting other women.
For enquiries, please contact her at mamapumpkin at gmail dot com or WhatsApp her at +6012-2333840