This week has been a super busy week for me because I crazily committed to some work assignments despite being super busy already. As it stands, I have still not found my PA possibly because nobody dares or wants to work with me. I wish to retire right here right now and sometimes I really do want to do it but how can I leave my fantastic team hanging? Not to mention the hundreds of people we have been helping each and every week? But I cannot help everyone. People ask me for donations all the time and expect me to pay for everything because they know I have cash. But still I cannot pay for everything. I help whoever I can help and those who are being helped already know who they are. So please, stop asking.
I have been thinking about myself of late since I have been having my period and feeling melancholy. I have come across some evil and many fakes and am grateful because it teaches me that I must never be like them no matter how bad my circumstance. Even if I didn’t win or was not Miss Popular, I would just never stoop down low to cheat others or lie to them about anything. I have everything that I need already. I do not understand why people do it. And what I do not understand even more is when you have someone earning RM300,000 a month yet gives the same amount as me who earns a fraction of that to the staff for Chinese New Year. Is it me who is the crazy one? Likewise, I have given away way much more of my salary to the needy than what I know these rich people have. I guess it is just ingrained in me, my Mother’s generosity. Don’t ever think I am a fool though that you can swindle. One of the wealthy magnates for example is very, very rich and is a family friend. The brother was my uncle’s best man yet they are extremely tight with cash. Me, a tiny small fry, can give special people 5 thousand dollar Ang Pows yet them, being several million times richer, give back the same? I just don’t get it. It is definitely me. I am the screwed up one who needs to learn that I should be KEEPING all this cash for my own family and future instead of giving it away. It is probably because I can survive on very little and am very blessed and happy already. So if I can make others happy, why not? The dilemma within…..
When I give, people will say I want to claim tax back for charity – LOL. You see how evil people are? Will they give me the same amount I have given away if I show them my tax returns? Because I can prove it!!! I claim ZERO tax for any charity that I have EVER done – LOL. I wish I knew how!!!
If you do good, they bitch. If you don’t do good, they also bitch. Basically, those who are bitchy, will bitch. So why waste any time even bothering about them. The fact that I am bravely vocal opens the doors for a lot of bitching and criticism. Keyboard warriors will never dare have a showdown face to face with me. They only know how to bitch behind the scenes (and my back) and although I know everything that transpires, honestly, do I need to do anything? No. Because people will continue to bitch. Let them. I am sharing so that if any of you gets victimised to learn from this. The level of maturity and goodness of a person’s heart is telling from their actions. We cannot control the world so let us take care of our own actions and spread this kindness. It doesn’t matter if you are kind to A and she is not kind back. We just do OUR part in this world as our judgement day comes from God. Not from the people around us. Always look within and ask yourselves, are you being honest to the core? Your core. Thankfully, my mother has always taught me to be honest to self. If I am not great, do not pretend to be. If I cannot afford it, do not attempt to keep up with the Joneses. She taught me to value self. If the Joneses cannot bring themselves down to my poor self, then they can go fuck themselves. We are not defined by the level of our income but from the sincerity of our hearts and I am truly blessed to know these team of Angels who have my back always. Always. Thank you.
Another thing I have thought about is when my husband keeps asking me, all these people you are helping, if you were in trouble, will they be helping you back if they could? Unfortunately, I do not see the world that way. It is not tit for tat for me. I give because it is from my heart. I feel happy giving. But only to those whom I want to give to. Not from people who ask. And I have no expectations back. I feel that through giving, if I ever were in trouble one day, someone out there will be there to pull me out. It may not be the people that I have given to (in fact, some whom I have given to may even stab my back LOL!) but someone out there will. For sure. Because that is the law of the Universe. What goes around comes around. It has never failed me.
Several years ago when I had just started my Children of Myanmar project, I was floored when a friend donated RM10,000 to our cause to build better facilities for the children. But now I realise that RM10,000 is nothing to someone who earns RM100,000 a month. It is really not a big deal. I used to think, my rich friend the tycoon’s daughter, why does she give out so little? The same as me? Shouldn’t richer people give more? But I learnt that she has a lot of people to give to. Now I am in the same predicament although I am nowhere near being a rich chick but it is certainly a new realm that I am exposed to having extra disposable income and not quite sure what to do with it or rather doing the wrong things with it!!!
I need to change my mindset. It is when you have extra that all the worms crawl out of the wood work.