It’s funny how I run my life as though it is a machine that never stops and that is what contributes to a big part of my success but at what expense? We are not machines and I have to keep drilling it into myself to slow down. It is so hard because I have been conditioned to do what I know best. I’m always running, doing 10 different projects at the same time and getting it all done to pat. I was like that when I met the Hubs and he taught me a little about slowing down and just doing nothing but it doesn’t last. My DNA gets restless and before you know it, I am running again. It’s called the Type A personality.
I also don’t do this purposefully or because I want the attention of being a Supermom or a Superstar. I don’t. Believe me, I don’t. But it seems to be inborn that I need to zip around and do things fast as I have so much to do in this short lifetime. My Dad said to me the other day, “Don’t go so fast and worry about making money. If you cannot afford to send the kids to the UK, so what? Just send them to a local University.”
I am completely fine with that and I do not even do this for money. It shows how much my Dad knows me, huh? Even when I was a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I had to keep myself busy by volunteering as a committee member for the IBU Family and Resource group and organise activities for T1 and have tons of play date and volunteer for all sorts of other charity projects. NONE of it made me any money yet I was still busy. It was always go-go-go.
But you see, living life on the edge like that has a price. And for me, it is my health. I NEED to slow down. I am actually at risk for a stroke after experiencing TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack) and am mildly diabetic. I have a double heart valve leak that is probably degenerating at a rate faster than ever with my pace and I would probably have been dead if Izumio and Super Lutein never entered my life. If not dead, then certainly on loads of medication my Doctor said, such as Statins.
Someone needs to stand in front of me with a whip. And it needs to be someone SO SCARY that I will obey. The Hubs hasn’t been able to do it. I think I am only scared of one person, my Mom!!! Ahahahahaha. And she is no longer here to whip me. Sigh. I miss you, Mom. You were able to stop me in my tracks. I guess the next persons I could depend on are perhaps the kids. Maybe they could play on my guilt enough to slow me down.
So OK. Tomorrow I am scheduled for a brain MRI that’s going to cost a few freaking THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! Fuck me!!! I’ve already spent about RM2,000 these last few days at the hospital. You see how not worth it it is to be sick????? Better get myself sorted before I destroy this body of mine. I am completely overworked. The Doctor has ordered me not to carry anything anymore and I am under strict orders to TAKE. IT. EASY. Heh.
So you might ask, how come I am taking Izumio and I am still sick? Actually, I was already sick way before I started Izumio. And if I hadn’t had Izumio, I think I would have been dead. But Izumio has kept me alive and forcing me to take a serious look at my working lifestyle. I can no longer run. I need to slow down. Just as well because I am earning enough now to take a back seat and orchestrate the team’s progress. I will make them earn more and more with my free time now that I no longer have to build my own money pot.
It’s funny how life throws you lemons and flowers and chocolate and then bricks! I am loving ALL of it. I LOVE IT!!! Life has never been so exciting!!! As always, I am transferring some of these amazing blessings to the sick and the less fortunate and my prayers are always with the regulars. Thank you, God. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, all the people who have your good thoughts with me. I do know who you are. Thank you.