That you have been given a death sentence except that you don’t know when exactly. Whilst you try to go about your daily life with great difficulty, yet not wanting to impose onto anyone for help of any sort, you struggle day in day out, with the physical pain of the cancer that eats into you, the other pain from complications from being over-drugged and weakening of the immune system, and the mental pain. The pain of not knowing. The pain of flitting between needing to stay and wanting to go. Pure anguish.
What does one do but carry on……not knowing, and just praying and praying. People are already bored. Nobody seems to care and even if they did, they fail to express it. Traveling alone, a lonely journey. If you ever thought not being with someone and not having any friends was dismal, try walking the cancer journey. Despite it being such a common disease, it remains yet a lonely journey no matter how many people love you or care about you. It is a walk you do alone.
You look fine and people don’t suspect a thing. But deep inside, you are rotting beyond your control.
Cancer is a bitch.