Giving without an Agenda

I have been known to be a generous person, not because I want tremendous attention or have an insane need to be liked, nor am I crazily wealthy that I can buy so much for everyone nor give away free money, but simply because my own Mother is generous to a fault, in fact, criminally so such that she gets taken advantaged off and it pisses me off to no end yet, the giving DNA has been transferred. Fuck.

Unfortunately or fortunately.

I love giving because it brings a smile. I especially love giving when it is a well thought out gift or a meaningful difference that I am making but have been guilty too for giving for the sake of giving just because there is not enough time to make it a meaningful gift so I sometimes just wing it by getting something without much thought just to fulfil the pressure of getting it done. I hate doing that but I try to do it minimally. I’d much rather give no gift than a gift of pointlessness. Sure, a kid might always welcome a new toy but I’d always want to give something else, something different, something that meant something, something that’d teach the kid something, something that would make the kid think, something of an opportunity, something which may even end up in the bin! But at least the effort of truly giving on my side would have been fulfilled. I cannot control what happens at recipients end.

Tok2 in his professional life and my Father-in-Law, I’ve seen them get loaded with gifts. My FIL’s house used to get loaded with Chinese New Year hampers in the past. So loaded that they’d fill a room and almost touch the ceiling. Tok2 gets a new gadget every other week. Why? Why are people so nice and generous to them? It is hard being in their positions for what do you do when these gifts just keep getting delivered to your office? Do you send them back? You don’t want to offend anyone yet you need people to realise that bribery will get you nowhere. It certainly doesn’t jive with me. I get gifts too and I am grateful for every gift but in no way do your gifts put you in favour purely because you’ve been kind enough to give me a gift.

I love giving gifts. Not very often because I am just so busy but if I was more free, I’d probably spend the year giving!

But my giving has no agenda other than to bring a smile, a flutter in the heart. There is a fine line though between subtle bribery and honest giving. For example, I visit my client’s office often and the receptionist there is so pleasant that I want to buy her some chocolate. I don’t want anything from her and just want to make her day, that’s all. I want her to feel appreciated because I am guessing that maybe she doesn’t get it so much from her own company so let me show her some appreciation. I don’t even have to buy her some chocolates. A little note of appreciation will suffice, but some chocolate could make it that much sweeter. I am being presumptuous but is that so bad?

I sent flowers to one of my suppliers recently, a young girl in her early 20s, just to share with her what a great job I thought she was doing. Suppliers usually gift clients, not the other way around, but it doesn’t work like that with me. Supplier or client, if you are special, you are special. Period.

Recently, I walked into a boutique jewellery store in Chiangmai and fell in love with practically everything they had. I spent a lot of time just appreciating every piece of art, touching, admiring, and finally emptying out my wallet for 10 pieces of jewellery that I was tremendously drawn to. When I returned to the hotel, I asked my SIL if she liked any of the pieces and if she did, she could have it. I did it out of pure love and after some hesitation, she asked if she could have he white mother of pearl enamel earrings. They were my absolute favourite which of course I realised when she picked it but I said sure! Once you give, you give with love and it ends there.

Later, I showed off my new anklets to some friends and one of them commented that they were really nice. Yes, I know!!! Would you like one? Seriously, you can have it. She chose again my absolute favourite. I happened to tell T1 later when she herself complimented me on how the anklet suited me, that I was giving it away. There was suddenly a look of horror on her face. Noooooo!!! Not that one!!! It was made for you!!! I felt momentary pain as I really did love it and how often do you find special things that you really loved? I contemplated going back to the shop to buy more of different designs (they only had one of each) and then try to convince myself that I could love another just as much. But then I remembered, hey wait a minute? When I die, I won’t be taking this anklet with me! So I might as well bring joy to another person and break the short attachment I had with it! And so, I am not only at peace for causing upset with my daughter because perhaps she wanted to inherit it from me one day but I am overjoyed to give a lovely piece of art to a friend. Purely out of love.

Yet I see so much of this giving with an agenda around me and it cannot help but saddens me a little. I once had the opportunity to learn from this Malay Datin who drove a black Mercedes Benz wheeler-dealer kind of business woman, me in between jobs, she taking me around all day to all her business meetings. We visited then, the Red Tone CEO, Melaka Chief Minister, her office staff and a landlord of a house she was about to purchase. I saw her flirting with all the men of power, giving little presents to some, and then she asked me to join her but offered to pay me RM2-3k. My last job was already paying me much more so I politely declined and although I admired that she was financially successful, I did not like the way she carried herself wheeling and dealing in that fashion. It was tasteless.

With all the money that’s been wasted on Tok2 and my FIL, for example, why not just put the money to better use? Some people are very skilled through at the art of giving with a silent agenda and the way to tackle that is to never give them what they want from you. Time will tell, won’t it, this business of giving and gifting?

With or without an agenda? A good agenda is always welcomed, a sneaky one not so. What’s your view on giving? Always give without an ounce of expectation, I tell my children……….

Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett BSc in Architecture. She spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this Mamapumpkin blog since over 10 years ago and thereafter returned to the Corporate World stronger than ever. Her last job as Country Director of a British Railway Signalling organisation saw her getting ill with an aortal and mitral heart valve regurgitation and early stage cancer. Through her journey from working to not working to working again, she sets out to prove to all women that they can do anything and everything that they set out to do; as long as they have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with oodles of love, passion and integrity.

Despite being ill, she has grown a network marketing business from very little knowledge and experience in the otherwise infamously known MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, racing from an income of ZERO to RM 100,000 monthly in merely 2 years. She is a firm believer of the MLM business model but realises the pitfalls too and understands how and why the majority of people would shy away (or zoom far away) from any MLM business.

She is now pondering the title of her new book, From Zero to 100,000 RM monthly in 2 years and has a sequel in the pipeline with the aim of helping real professionals succeed in the World of MLM. Always the giver, Mamapumpkin has supported orphans for over 30 years and has now extended her care to the sick, single mothers, and even struggling families. She believes that with the MLM business model, we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world.

A beautiful life without limits.

Mamapumpkin currently manages the Homeschooling Hub Malaysia on Facebook. She also runs Working Women Malaysia (not THAT kind of Working Women!), Mamapumpkin - Creating A Life of Abundance, and Funky Moms on Facebook to offer REAL support to all women who want career and life success. She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially free has enabled her to travel the world anytime anywhere doing anything, and she spends most of her day to day with her children, reading and supporting other women.

For enquiries, please contact her at mamapumpkin at gmail dot com or WhatsApp her at +6012-2333840
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  1. If those VIPs get tons of presents, what do they do with it? Donate to charity? Give to staff?

  2. yeah…no strings attached! similar to what i do with the fruits gb. i sincerely want to help ppl save a little, n hv a healthier lifestyle.. but some ppl dont believe in what i do..i dont care.

  3. Haha I think the hardest part of giving is when you have to give away something you really like. There’s a struggle to be selfish or make someone else’s day which really hurts!

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