So it’s almost coming to the end of 2013 where I seriously want to de-clutter and take back my own space which means no more helping people, no more charity, no more listening, no more functions, no more favours, no more lunches, no more parties, no more anything. In 2014, I will only have time for my family. Selfish but true. It is for my own survival and I hope the world will understand. I feel a big weight lifted off my shoulders.
2014 is the year for my family, the one whom I have forsaken the last few years for. A few years ago, I had a relative who was in dire straits and I spent countless hours being with her (for a whole 2 months!) due to depression. My husband would get angry because he felt I should be sleeping instead of being with her till 5am in the morning just to make sure she did not kill herself, just to make sure she was secure in my presence, just to have somebody around when you’re really feeling like nothing in this world matters no more. I get so many of these sort coming to me and sucking the blood out of me that I can really no longer breathe, and this has been going on for years!!! Believe me when I tell you that I no longer have an ounce of energy to listen to anyone else’s problems anymore nor have the energy to offer solutions either. I am well and truly exhausted. It’s like being a free psychiatrist, something I think I am quite good at (minus the prescriptive drugs) but I no longer want it.
Don’t be afraid to still come to me though but be ready that I may turn you away. I have been solving my own problems since I left home so surely everyone has the ability to do it if they only tried. I’ve been in depression before. I know what it’s like but if you don’t give yourself a kick up your own arse and keep wallowing in self pity, continuing to be a victim, hey, you’re not going to move forward.
Thus 2014, I dedicate it solely to my family, an overdue gesture. My kids and my husband will have me back. Mama will not be out somewhere trying to save the world. There. I’ve announced it to you like it’s a pledge. There’s no going back now. I will NOT be helping you if you need help. There is a big world out there. Go find someone else to help you.
I’m going to focus on my home so I can finally de-clutter the home. Get rid of all those toys. Clean out the unimportant furniture. Get rid of unwanted kitchen utensils. You get the drift. I want more time to play with the kids, read, travel. It’s going to be ALL ABOUT US, 2014.