Losing Control……

Have you ever had that feeling that you’re spinning a downward spiral into the abyss, and the deeper you get sucked in, the crazier the turbulence, as your hair starts hitting your face painfully and you lose your glasses and control of your limbs, and suddenly you have no idea why, where, what, who………and that pang of desperation calls. Yet, there is no way out. There is nobody to rescue you. No emergency button. What do you do?

Honestly, I feel like that every few weeks. I have no control of my being. And being a manic Obsessive Compulsive person, I am pretty much in deep shit.

I was seated with a psychologist of sorts the other day and some other women, and I told them of my deep rooted need to organise my wardrobe. It is already organised into colours and categories, but for the longest time, I’d wanted it to be organised onto the computer too. I want every piece documented and stacked into folders, just like the ones you see on online retail fashion stores. Click tops and you will see all my tops. Further categorised into colours, then casual, work or evening. This is so I can select what to wear for an event when I’m on the go. That is how busy I am. Every single f*cking second counts. The women thought I was mad.

But the psychologist, who gave hints that I was ADHD understood! I am so ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder!). She gave me all the symptoms and seriously, I have all my life lived like this and no one has EVER diagnosed me as ADHD but now I know why! I’m impatient, highly stressed, cannot focus on any one task and think sleep is a waste of time, subconsciously. The Hubs have always told me to slow down but now I know there is a reason why I am the way I am.

I also explained my need to get all the books in my home organised. Whilst they are all over the place in different rooms and different book shelves, I am not at peace. I need them organised. But I don’t have the time to do it. It sickens me that it is not done. So the psychologist suggested that I set a task to complete one book shelf a weekend. She’s awesome, that woman. I could have told myself that but hearing it from a task master who sold me the idea of Muji Calendars and Project Lists, I am empowered. You can almost tell a person with ADHD when they talk super fast. With me, everything moves fast. I struggle whenever someone talks to me slowly. It is very painful yet it is me with the problem, not them.

There is also the big piles of ‘rubbish’ that sits all over the house which are either to be thrown out or given away but I have not dared open any of the bags to check what they all are. I keep secretly wishing they would just disappear. I have been bugging the Hubs (who is shit busy himself) to install the CCTV cameras and the extra storage if he doesn’t plan on moving us out to a bigger place soon enough. He believes in cash right now because the experts expect an economic slum next year.

So as always, I feel like crying and screaming, yet it is pointless to do so because at the end of the day, I am still in this rut alone. I have two wonderful girls and couldn’t ask for more yet they drive me to the brinks of insanity, but probably because I am so ADHD!

In the next few weeks, I am taking some time off work to spend some moments with my kids, to get some household chores organised. Therapeutic time. I want to play with them, hold them, lie on them, tickle them, smell them, bathe with them, walk with them, laugh with them, bite them, rub noses with them, watch them perform, cook for them and just inhale them in a dozen long deep breathes. I owe it to them.

They are only 2 and 7 once and God how I love them with such an intensity!!!


Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett BSc in Architecture. She spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this Mamapumpkin blog since over 10 years ago and thereafter returned to the Corporate World stronger than ever. Her last job as Country Director of a British Railway Signalling organisation saw her getting ill with an aortal and mitral heart valve regurgitation and early stage cancer. Through her journey from working to not working to working again, she sets out to prove to all women that they can do anything and everything that they set out to do; as long as they have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with oodles of love, passion and integrity.

Despite being ill, she has grown a network marketing business from very little knowledge and experience in the otherwise infamously known MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, racing from an income of ZERO to RM 100,000 monthly in merely 2 years. She is a firm believer of the MLM business model but realises the pitfalls too and understands how and why the majority of people would shy away (or zoom far away) from any MLM business.

She is now pondering the title of her new book, From Zero to 100,000 RM monthly in 2 years and has a sequel in the pipeline with the aim of helping real professionals succeed in the World of MLM. Always the giver, Mamapumpkin has supported orphans for over 30 years and has now extended her care to the sick, single mothers, and even struggling families. She believes that with the MLM business model, we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world.

A beautiful life without limits.

Mamapumpkin currently manages the Homeschooling Hub Malaysia on Facebook. She also runs Working Women Malaysia (not THAT kind of Working Women!), Mamapumpkin - Creating A Life of Abundance, and Funky Moms on Facebook to offer REAL support to all women who want career and life success. She is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially free has enabled her to travel the world anytime anywhere doing anything, and she spends most of her day to day with her children, reading and supporting other women.

For enquiries, please contact her at mamapumpkin at gmail dot com or WhatsApp her at +6012-2333840
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