A Mother’s Monologue

Must be the isolation and loneliness that it entails. Unless you are one who is frequently having guests over, talking to children on a daily basis tends to get monotonous and boring. Sure, there are good days and there are great days. But after doing it for 5 years and possibly another 5 to go, of late, I have been doing a lot of day dreaming. I told the Hubs tonight, imagine if we didn’t have kids……

We could be reading on a waterbed atop a glassed floor with colourful fishes below and blue sky above in the Maldives, sipping Margaritas and slamming tequilas. Playing scrabble and making passionate love. With contraception! And he had to add, “Yeah….and imagine all the handbags and shoes you could potentially have!”

I’m not even that crazy about handbags and shoes. I only become crazy about them when I am depressed. Because really, what do I have at the end of a hard day’s work? Day in-day out….I care for my girls, not having a single moment for myself (although I try very hard to sneak in an hour of exercise or computer time or even just a quick shower!) and I feel as though from dawn till dusk, I am at their disposal. When they are finally asleep, I am too exhausted to do anything else or even go out to meet up with friends. At best, a little attention from the Hubs would be nice but even he, is too exhausted. I know that their livelihood is my responsibility and that my job is to do my utmost best in bringing them up in the best way I know how, but these days, I need to really FOCUS on that goal. For my mind drifts……

So most nights, I stay awake pondering about my situation because I refuse to acknowledge that this is it. This is it - from dawn to dusk I work for my kids and then go to sleep. Getting online, which is the only reprieve I seem to get, is also a challenge. So what does one do?

Am I experiencing a late dose of post-natal depression?

Don’t be sad, Mommy…..

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