The lesson of pride

My mother always said that a person cannot pretend forever and she is so right. A woman of incredibly strong gut instincts, she has been right about every single boyfriend I have ever had. Of course, love is blind and when you are a rebellious teenager, the last thing you want to hear is that the boy you love, does not love you. No matter what Mom said then, my ears had gone deaf. But now when I look back and remember all the little details, she was right all along.

I’ll always remember one incident when she told me that my then boyfriend was a coward and was not good enough for me. No way….he was no coward? And don’t I get to decide who was or wasn’t good enough for me? Her exact words, “If he loved you enough, he would have protected you and taken the blame for it.” Those words stuck and yeah, she was right. What happened was she had come home when I had snuck him into my bedroom which was obviously out of bounds and of course, she found out about it and gave me the shelling of my life in front of him for disobeying orders. The guy kept quiet the whole time. Mom’s take was that he should have stood up and fought for me. Take the blame. Be the bad guy. And if he wasn’t confident or noble enough to do that, then he wasn’t good enough for me. Period.

Ever since then, I assessed my relationships based on the little things a person would or wouldn’t do for me. Would he give up smoking for me? Would he not go for his badminton practice for me? Would he cook for me? Would he disown his mother for me? Would he sacrifice seeing his friends for me? This would usually give me an indication on how much a person loved me. If at all. Sometimes, a guy would not be into cooking at all but because he wants to impress me or my family, he would make an effort to be chef of the year. But how long can one sustain a passion that isn’t true? Unless it developed, the person’s truth would eventually surface.

Sometimes for the fear of getting hurt, a guy would not give in to my demands. As much as he loved me, he had his pride. What good is pride when it lost him the girl of his life? The man is still single and regretting his actions as time is not on his side and he cannot seem to find the same chemistry nor love of quality that we shared. Was the pride worth it? To prevent himself from getting hurt, he is still hurt as a result. Is pride then a clever move?

Relationships are never a guarantee but if you knew who you were and what you wanted in life, that would be a great start. It would give you a benchmark of all the people that crossed your path on how close they came to being a possible candidate for a life partner. When one is assured of oneself, one can love with love selflessly and pride does not enter at all. Where there is pride, there is no love.

So coming back to my Mother…..she has certainly taught me well. Because with such life tools, I found the love of my life without looking. When the time is right, the person who loves you for you and willing to give up a freaking damn lot for you, will bang down that door in a jiffy and sweep you off your feet before you can even decide if he is the right one for you or not. And you know what? You will never know…..because people evolve, people change……and you will either do that together or not. But for now, our journey together is pretty perfect.

To learn more about pride and true love.