Some people just do not know it. And they never will. Whilst I sit back and reflect on how some people get it whilst others don’t, I ponder about how I myself learnt the art of saying thank you. Did my mother teach me? Was it through observation of adult interaction? Was it through friendships built along the way? Is it inborn?

Saying thank you is not just saying it. It is much, much more. It is saying thank you from the core of your heart. Sometimes, you may not even need to say it but your actions spell it out loud and clear. And sometimes, just saying it means nothing.

I have so much to thank for in my life that it is almost impossible to fully show the recipients of my thanks in the volume and depth that I wish. I try, and then I pray to God that these people will know, the extent of my gratitude.

A friend of mine had some problems a few months back and I had forsaken my husband and my daughter many a time, just to meet up with her to the wee hours of the morning, to give her support, to be a listening ear, to be that rock that she so badly needed. I gave up sleep and still had to function the next day in caring for Tee, because we would be out till 5am in the morning some nights. This went on for two months.

After she bounced back onto her feet, I was truly happy for her. From then till now, she has called me twice. I haven’t bothered to call her. Once earlier when she had discovered I was pregnant and asked how she could help, I very directly told her that she could really help me by coming over to entertain Tee. This was the time when I was vomiting profusely and not functioning. I needed any help I could get. Some friends had cooked for me and delivered food to my home, some had prepared frozen food for me for which I am so grateful. Some offered to buy food to bring over. I couldn’t depend on my Mom, she herself was ill.

What did this friend tell me? She asked me to send Tee to HER house because it would be easier for her. That was the end of our friendship.

I had left MY house to be with her SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many times and forsaken my own family for her and this is all she could do for me? What about a thank you?

Then, I have gone out of my way to give away nice presents to people, never with an agenda. I gave them away simply because I couldn’t use them or had no use for them. Sometimes I spend over a thousand dollars for a gift to really make someone’s day. Is it appreciated? They assume it is a hundred dollar gift and chuck it aside. If I’d known the level of appreciation I’d get, I’d have kept it for myself. Seriously. These people are cynical.

Not to say that people only like expensive presents because I have done the other extreme and spent days toiling over personalised projects for people that still go unappreciated. It’s just that different people know how to appreciate different things, they don’t have to cost anything. And then some people just don’t appreciate ANYTHING.

What about the many times I have gone out of my way to help someone get a job, or made high written recommendations for a person, or taught someone how to write a bloody CV, or introduced someone to someone else so they had an opportunity for that million dollar contract? And when they do get the contract, what do I get? I don’t want a piece of the cake. I just want some acknowledgment in the form of the word gratitude.

It’s funny because if one of my friends gave me a holiday voucher valid for a year to go skiing in Japan for a month, I’d be forever grateful. And I mean FOREVER grateful. Yet, to some people, it is a small thing. They just say a simple thank you and you hardly hear from them again. Some people probably feel, oh, she’s so lucky anyway so this is nothing for her to give away.

Isn’t it so strange?

And because of this, I refrain myself from giving so much anymore. It hurts when genuine appreciation is not felt. I need to spare myself from this hurt. The next time I have a club membership to give away, I’d rather throw it in the bin than give it someone unless it’s to my brothers whom I love dearly.

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