I’m posting this from sheer inspiration that I’d want to breastfeed this new baby for a much longer time than I did Tee.

When I was pregnant last, I had already decided that Tee was going to be breastfed. For at least a year. The reasons were obvious. After much reading and research, it was clear that breastfeeding would give her a great start with her immune system and better still, save us tons of cash with the added convenience.

Because I had a bad pregnancy, I hadn’t done what I would have liked in order to prepare myself for what was to hit. Here’s my breastfeeding story to encourage moms to persist with breastfeeding if they feel fit OR switch to formula if they feel they cannot go through with it. Either decision is fine and doesn’t make you less of a great mother in any way. Or you can compromise and do both.

Tee came out screaming for a whole 24 hours the day she was born. I only got to see her at hour 4 when she calmed down a little and was put to the breast when I realised, SHIT! This breastfeeding thing takes work. And skill. And an amount of patience I never had.

Already from birth, she was a quick thinker and quickly sussed that these breasts were no good. There was hardly anything coming out! WAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I persisted.

After 3 days of screaming without milk and a whole day of sleep, the pediatrician advised that I should formula feed her with a cup. Worried that she was undergoing starvation, I agreed. I was so tired and stressed as I had so many visitors at the hospital despite me telling Mom that I did NOT want any visitors. But hey, she was just too excited to contain herself that she had to invite the whole world to show off her first newborn grandchild. What more, some visitors would just stand and stare when you were trying to breastfeed a screaming baby who kept shifting her head away yelling in baby language, “Get those whoppers away from my face!!! You’re suffocating me!! And they smell like fish poo!!!”

How embarrasing is that!! Thank God, those rude adults couldn’t understand baby language, or at least I hope they hadn’t.

Tee managed to get some colostrum but soon after, she had really made up her mind that she did not want the breast. The lactation specialist at the hospital pinched my nipples SO HARD that I wanted to punch them, and very soon my breasts were engorged. So I had to learn how to use one of their power pumps.

Tee started drinking my milk through a cup from then onwards. It was a bloody pain. And there wasn’t much milk either.

After 2 months of pumping, supplementing with formula (as I didn’t have enough milk), drinking lots of fenugreek tea, papaya soup, massaging my breasts in the hot shower, eating lots and God knows what else, I finally went to see the best lactation specialist in the country. It was then I saw the light and really wished I had seen her much, much sooner.

She made complete sense but by then, it was a tad too late so she offered me some pills to stimulate milk production. They worked and after 2 weeks of taking the pills, my breasts had started producing although by then, Tee only wanted the bottle. There was a time when I was in Kota Bharu, being fed really well and being completely relaxed that I had supplied my most milk. If I remember correctly, each pump session produced 400ml of milk. That’s a lot compared to 10ml in the first 2 months!!!

So it was a journey of pumping and bottle feeding for the 1st 6 months of her life. Once she started solids, my milk supply completely dwindled, and by then, I had given up. It was just too tough.

I accepted the fact that I suffered from incompetent breasts.

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