A Mother’s Monologue

Tee drawing in a Chinese Restaurant in New York

Finally, after four long eventful years, I am taking a stance to get my life back. And although getting pregnant and having a second baby will only turn my whole world upside down again, I feel ready right this second to embrace life and work towards my own betterment. Don’t get me wrong, there was nothing wrong before but I was so busy with Tee that I had lost myself. It is a natural phenomenon that many full time stay at home mothers’ experience. Everything you do, you do for your child so much so that your life revolves around the child and you know nothing else about the world but the child. Isn’t that SCARY???

One day old Tee - hairiest baby in all of Pantai Hospital

After a difficult pregnancy without support (I hadn’t discovered online help then and didn’t have any friends who were pregnant!), followed by an extremely stressful first six months breastfeeding with adults from various childrearing philosophies pressuring me and then to recieve confirmation that I do indeed have a very demanding child; I am now finally at peace. Despite all the hurdles, I am now feeling less stressed and more in control. It has taken THAT long to get to this stage.

Tee at five months - my Mother-in-Law’s Hibiscus was bigger than her whole head. And she already has a big head to begin with!

I have always loved Tee from the moment she was conceived, and then more on the day we met face to face, and then even more when she started to communicate. And let me tell you, despite her defiance, stubbornness and smart-ass chilli padi mouth today, I love her more and more, every. Single. Day. She fills my soul with so much joy, my heart with so much love and my head with so many aches. But what is life then if this little thing didn’t keep me on my toes? Sedentary…..

Tee turning four soon……….

No, I have definitely loved every moment of Tee growing up and look how she’s grown! But now, I want my life back. I want to have time without Tee. To fill the engine that’s been on overtime these past years caring for her. To make something of myself. I owe it to myself. Don’t you think?

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