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15 years but certainly not forgotten
By bigpumpkin | April 9, 2008
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2nd April 1972
My dearest Sammi girl,
It is now 2008 and I have a wonderful little girl who is exactly like us. Yes, I can already see her characteristics ingrained with my original stamp this early on. She is only three and a half. Life has taken strange paths and I’d never have imagined myself a stay-at-home-mom, without a maid at that! Can you believe it? I guess God had plans for me because you know how much I wanted to be right up there in my designer suits. But I couldn’t ask for more joy than little Tee, who fills my days with humour. And rage…… pride, love, anger, frustrations, agitation, worry, amusement, surprises, determination, delight, paranoia, envy, pain, nervousness, gratitude, irritability and extreme happiness. Who would have expected a little thing to evoke so much emotion, eh? They’re worse than men, I’m telling you.
My days are now spent waking up and using a lot of energy to wake a toddler up. Then using more energy to get her dressed for school, which involves milk drinking, eating her breakfast, brushing her teeth, wearing her uniform, wiping her down, washing her face, brushing her hair, preparing her water bottles, checking her school bag for notes and then driving her to school. This is followed by a five second act of drama wails, like those old Tamil movies, where Tee will cling on to my leg like a helpless puppy about to be abandoned for life.
After tearing her away from me, I have some glorious time to do as I wish. Sometimes I go for yoga, sometimes I come home to cook, sometimes I wile hours away on the computer, sometimes I yak over coffee, sometimes I actually work (meaning I do something productive!) and sometimes I shop. How exciting my life is now. *yawn* It has no alcohol nor cigarettes, no hunky men, no girly laughters, no secret whisperings, no girly chats. No……I am a woman now.
My vocabulary these days have slanted to phrases such as DRINK YOUR WATER, PLEASE SHARE YOUR TOY, DO IT NOW or GO TO THE CORNER and my voice has also been overused straining everyday in louder than ever decibals just to get things done. My hair is no longer long, silky and flowing but short, dry and limp. My weight has doubled since we last saw each other at the Singapore Westin but surely it is because of more brain matter from years of wisdom. My heart is a lot stronger now but no less pure when we were 21, so I guess if you were still here, we’d still be the best of friends.
I can’t wait for the day I don’t have to buy another diaper or listen to a toddler whine. God, have you ever heard those??? It’s worst than a dying cat and so bloody painful to the ears. Well, who knows? Since God planted me here, in a place I never dreamt of being, he could very well plant me somewhere else, like a place I’d really want to be in the near future. You know, like being in a place where I can eat all day and still look like Kate Moss.
I love you, Sammi girl. Always did, always will. And I know you’re watching over me and my lil girl. You are her Godmother in Heaven and I so wish she had a chance to meet you.
Happy Birthday, Sammi girl.
See you in Heaven xx
Topics: What's between my ears? |
3 Responses to “15 years but certainly not forgotten”
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April 9th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
*Hugs to you mama*…
April 10th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
i love this post.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:24 am
mine is 2 years and counting. i hope i won’t have to write this letter when it’s 15 years.
what do you do when a piece of your heart die? u pick up the pieces and move along.