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Now I remember why I stayed away from Mommy cliques!
By bigpumpkin | April 8, 2008
*warning - major rant ahead*
The Hubs has warned me before to not hang out with Moms. It seemed such a ludicrous suggestion because who else would I hang out with if it wasn’t for Moms??? Teenaged girls? Old ladies?? Men?? No, his advice was to be friends with everyone but don’t get too deep because with women, once you have three or more, there’s bound to be trouble. And he was right.
There’s something about the women of the world and I don’t speak of all women because there are some ‘normal’ women out there (although they come in minimum numbers) that has been prevalent since the dawn of time. Historically, women have been genetically brainwashed to be the weaker sex and this lack of self esteem has been carried down from generation to generation. The smarter ones progressed as individuals whilst majority felt the need to belong.
In my 3.5 years of being a Mom, I have known many Moms or had the opportunity to be around many Moms and boy, Mommy cliques are mushrooming everywhere?!?!?! I have always tried to stay neutral as I’ve always been a loner growing up, having many individual friends but no groups because I just prefer one to one interaction. I find that when placed in a group, individuals are given less of a chance to be themselves because many people project a different front to different people. I personally also find that exhausting. I just want to be myself. I only have time to be myself. And if you don’t like me, then…………..*waves smiling*
Some of the reasons Mommy cliques naturally form is because women need to exclude others. You know, I’m your best friend so I will get hurt if you go to the movies with her, that kind of thing. It is so childish. Some Mommies stick together because they come from the same social class and have the same amount of money to throw away. Some have common strong interests such as breastfeeding advocates or education styles. Some click because they have the same views on food and nutrition or parenting styles. Some just get along fabulously together without anything in common! This is all well and good but don’t start excluding other people just because they breastfeed and you don’t!
Women who need to be part of a group to exclude others exhibit weakness and the act of excluding another makes them feel better about themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pissed about being excluded from any group. If you knew me any better, you’d know how thick my skin was, and how I never felt the need to belong. But I’ve made some observations and the fact of the matter is, women cliques are real, they exist, and are a horrible fact of life!
Some women over-extend themselves to the point where it is so obvious that they REALLY want to belong. I mean, it’s nice to be nice and you SHOULD be nice but to bend over backwards and do a few cartwheels to help someone, you’re being saccharin, not sweet. Trust me, I’ve been generous many times in my life and I’m finding it hard to be THAT generous now. Perhaps these women haven’t been burnt yet, so they continue being saccharin sweet. *shudders*
Gossip is defined by ME as the interest of talking negatively about another person. I’ve noticed how some people TRY not to gossip but honestly, I’d say 99.99% of the women population gossip. It’s all a matter of degree. What some may define as purely passing on correct, factual information; others spit out as chin wag. There is this lady I know who would say, “I know this women who slept with so and so!” and then when you asked her who it was, she wouldn’t say because she doesn’t want to gossip. PUHLEEZE…….*rolls eyeballs* If there is anything worse, it’s half stories. I mean, if we’re going to do it, then let’s all get dirty and do it! Sometimes, it’s really funny because I am making idle chat and really couldn’t care less if your child is doing A, B or C but you’re all heated up and defensive about your child, just because MY child is not doing the same thing as your child and you think I would have opposed ideas to what you do with your child. I respect what you do with your child and it is none of my business but if you were a friend, I would speak my mind. I guess that is one of the reasons why I don’t have many friends. *laughs*
Does anyone want to be my friend?? I am lacking in the friends department.
Some Moms always have to be one up so they’re always asking if Tee can do this or do that yet. And whether it’s yes or no, the real reason the Mom is asking is so she can tell you that HER son CAN!!! WOW!!! *clap hands!!!* In these instances, I get super excited and outwardly show the Mom how wonderful and delighted I am for her. I also understand that sometimes, it is a genuine question, and instincts will tell you if it is or not. It could be a very valid question if some Mom asked me if Tee was still in diapers at night. It just depends on the Mom asking it and the manner it is asked. You know what I’m talking about. Some people are just psycho.
And where do I start about invitations??? Surely you’ve experienced this - who did you invite? who’s going? who should I invite? she didn’t invite her? I don’t want to invite her…….Honestly, I am happy to announce that I will not be in the LEAST bit offended if anyone didn’t invite me to anything and everyone else got invited. As it is, I’m already being invited to too many things (probably out of sheer courtesy) so please don’t feel bad about not inviting me. It’s easier for me if I didn’t have to decline. But also, please don’t shoot me if I don’t invite you because it could be for a very innocent reason. We’re not having a competition here.
To sum it all up, I just hate negativity of any sort. It ruins my aura and I think I have quite a good, happy aura. I want to stay away from Mommy cliques so please don’t be offended if I don’t join you for your next rendezvous. I’d rather be the lone ranger than compromise my values just to fit in with you. So all you idle readers out there, if you’re not commenting, is it because you’re guilty of being in a Mommy clique?
Read this article entitled Are confident women bitchy and read the comments too. 
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a super bitch and proud of it. But for those of you who know me, well? You know me………….
Topics: What's between my ears? |
10 Responses to “Now I remember why I stayed away from Mommy cliques!”
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April 8th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
shit! Now you made me wanna rant too (somemore!!)
April 8th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I don’t belong to any mommy clique.. you can friend me..
April 8th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
You speak the truth my lady. I have to read the post on the link you provided but here come the kids so I’ll be back later
April 8th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Hmmmmm…so I am thinking now after reading that other article, “Is that why I had no friends when I used to work?” My goodness, I have been living in CA for quite sometime and I still don’t have that many friends. I do still have one best friend whom I went to high school within NY though. She’s a softie actually her words were a “push over” and she cannot help it. She understands me and often tells me she wished she had an attitude more like mine. That’s too bad.
By the way, I just had to put my 4 yr old son back in night pants. For some reason he started wetting the bed. Oh the shame of it all
I have known a few people back in the day who used to bad talk me and I never really cared. I mean really what are you going to do? You just can’t please them all and I would never try to.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:10 am
i shy away from mommy cliques too. when i tak to mothers, the conversation does inevitably stray to children and parenting at some point but i can’t stand that it’s the only thing to talk about. and the gossips. *rolls eyes* i just find mommy cliques very demeaning, very no-character, very bitchy, very ‘women’. i guess that’s why i can’t get along with most women.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:50 am
I’m a loner too.. i donch really like to be extra. extra close to anyone. No wonder i got no friends in canada.. muahahahha!!
April 9th, 2008 at 2:43 am
So shall I propose we start an I-don’t-like cliques group? I guess no one will join. Hahahahaha. Just kidding ladies.
BTW, I have 3 copies of Deirdre Imus “Growing Up Green” book to giveaway. I am holding a contest to see who to give it away to. If you are interested to join, check out this post of mine:
http://mamasbagoftricks.blogspot.com/2008/04/book-review-growing-up-green.html
April 9th, 2008 at 6:42 am
I will go on the record right now to say, if we lived near each other, we would be best buds and you would LOVE to hang out with Atasha too
April 10th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
thanks for ranting on my behalf haha. i live in overseas and i join a mommy cliques group to get sane because i have zero friends here for a year.
well, the group that i’m in is not too bad, i agree that there are lots of competition and gossiping going on and i join whenever invited and if not it’s ok. it’s tough making genuine friends here especially when you get singled out for not living in Mid Levels, HK!
April 11th, 2008 at 3:27 am
Most of my girlfriends are mommies, but for whatever reason when we get together, the kids are left behind for our beloved other half to enjoy and there is no talk of them at all. Is this still a mommy clique??
But yeah, your hubs is right. Make friends by all means, but have a wide variety of them. Like a garden, it gets boring if all you have are Japanese roses. Have some curry leaves, serai, bunga kertas, bird of paradise (now this you have to control, as they can run amuk in the garden if you don’t prun them. Literally and figuratively..
).
Go out and meet some teenagers and old people. Much to be learnt from them both. Good for the soul.