A Mother’s Monologue

For history, refer here.

Well, she’s not her best friend anymore. Tee says she has no best friend and that she only likes J, her boyfriend. Following what happened, I explained to my iron-willed daughter that it wasn’t nice to say what she said to her best friend and asked if she would go to make amends with her best friend by telling her that she still liked her and definitely still wanted to play with her. She said, “No” but I could see that she was thinking.

The next day, I told her teacher about the incident and was surprised by the teacher’s response. She said that Tee’s best friend would ask Tee if she was her best friend and Tee is someone who does not like to be asked something over and over again. Also, she said that Tee should be given the right to choose who she likes and that I, her mother, should see that my daughter is genuine. If you really didn’t like someone and that person asked if you liked them, what would you say? She felt that Tee, who just turned three, would not have known how to white lie or be more tactful in that instance. And the most honest answer for her was, “No, I like your sister better.”

But that didn’t mean she didn’t like her best friend. She just liked her sister better. Which still upset her best friend, of course. Her best friend had this habit of putting Tee down, jeering that she was younger, smaller, shorter……and Tee didn’t like it, being the competitive imp that she is.

To end, I have explained to Tee how saying certain things can really hurt someone else’s feelings and cause them to be very sad. I have told her that she doesn’t have to tell them straight to the face if it isn’t something nice and have given her examples of what nice things are and nasty things as well, so she can differentiate. I guess I want her to have compassion yet be allowed to express herself freely and not pretend and keep all her feelings bottled up inside. So I’ve told her that she could tell Mommy. I don’t know how much of this will be practised but honesty versus the art of subtlety and tact in young children is a tricky subject.

What do we do then when our little ones shout out, “Mommy? Why is that man so black?! Why is she so fat? Can you smell him, Mommy? He’s really stinky!!!”

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