Mamapumpkin???

I love green Once upon a time, she designed buildings and interiors of corporate offices and on the rare occasion, homes. Now, she cleans poop and is student of a patience management course. From the drawing board as a London Architect to the realities of Motherhood, she has certainly learned many lessons in humility. And then others.....

To succeed in the corporate world, first succeed with your kid as the happy boss. Seriously.

I love green

This blog is about Mamapumpkin: A crazy, kick-ass Mom who works full time juggling several jobs - the full-time paid job, the raising of her 2 kids (she gets paid in kind for this) and the volunteering job for various charity organisations and parenting websites. Needless to say, she gets very little sleep (3-5 hours per day, Margaret Thatcher who used to sleep 4 hours per day during her conservative career inspires this crazy lifestyle).

Mamapumpkin intends to change the working Mom landscape in Malaysia where working women can bring their children to the corporate office of a client and not be frowned upon.

I love green

She writes anything that comes out of her head, mostly without thinking first (since she already has to think at work!), which almost ALWAYS gets her into trouble (according to her husband, whom she considers the love of her life on a good day).

Her 2 pet monkeys drive her towards challenge after challenge, 24/7.....day after day.....and interestingly, her parents are Muslim, her in-laws Buddhist, she's Catholic and her Hubs, an Atheist. She's thinking her kids should be Hindu, just to complete the rainbow religion cycle.

Gotta love it.

She'd love to hear from you : Mamapumpkin at gmail dot com


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Making a Marriage WORK

Making a marriage work is not easy.

I have been married for 11 years and have known and dated my husband for a total of 14 years. We have been through ups and downs, dealing with external family stress, financial stress, children stress and all sorts of run of the mill problems like any other marriage; yet after all these years with added stress, I consider our marriage to be strong.

A week ago, I met an old friend whose marriage was dead. “What happened?” I asked. He told me the very long story and I tried playing devil’s advocate even though I’d never met his wife but totally took her side, just to, you know, make sure he was really sure that he had really no inclination to save the marriage. It was so scary meeting him because I was thinking to myself all the time, Oh My God! What if this is how my husband feels about me???

Anyway, to cut a long story short, let me share what he’s paid big bucks for to have the formula of making a marriage work:

In order for a marriage to work (according to a top dollar American Marriage Psychologist), two columns must be filled. There is a column for Desire and Love and another for a Happy Life. Go on then, grab a pencil and draw it out.

Let’s first talk about the first column – the Desire and Love column:

In the Desire and Love column, you have the cognitive and emotional. This is everything that your minds and hearts do. Where are the both of you in this? Do you sync emotionally? Do you share the same ideas? Or are you complete opposites? Along a scale, you are either both completely alone or completely together, or somewhere in between. Naturally, you want to be at the highest end of the scale and sync your minds AND hearts together but this does not mean you will have a marriage that will work! No. There is more to it than just this.

The second item under the Desire and Love column is Intimacy and the act of doing it. Action speaks louder than words, as they say. Again, are you intimate? Do you kiss each other every time you part? Do you kiss each other every time you meet? Do you even HUG? Do you hold hands? Touch…..touch…….and touch. So where do you stand on the intimacy scale?

And finally, SEX forms the third item under the Desire and Love column. Are you f*cking for the sake of f*cking or are you f*cking because you really want to? Simple. Or are you just NOT f*cking???

After assessing where you are on the scales of each of the above items, we now proceed to the Happy Life column.

First item on the list includes Trust, Honesty and Transparency. How much do you trust each other? How much do you hide from each other? Have you been completely honest with one another? Again, give yourself a score.

The second item to a Happy Life is Nurturing – this is the random acts of kindness that you do for one another. Do you cook for one another? Do you buy each other gifts or surprise each other with….surprises? How far do you go for your partner? How many times would you get off your ass to work towards making your other half’s life easier and/or more fulfilling? Some people are more hard working, some more lazy.

And last but not least, DAILY activities that bring you together. Or not. When you organise to go on holiday? How do you plan your activities? Is it what Mommy wants to do, what Daddy wants to do or what Baby wants to do? Do you do it all together or separately? What about family meals? What about tennis games? What about cycling expeditions? What about the visit to the park? In some cases, Daddy wants to perform an activity (such as golf, cycling or whatever) by himself with his own boys. Or Mommy wants to go shopping by herself. Sometimes, Mommy is eager to take Baby out to the playground but Daddy isn’t too keen. It always goes back to how much you want to be with each other on this scale and obviously, the more happy both of you are in meeting at this scale, the better.

So. You see? Hard work.

In my friend’s case, his dot on the scale was far away from his wife’s dot on the scale in the majority of the scales above, so you can see why the marriage is failing. Sometimes, people take the easy way out because they do not want to work at a marriage and so they introduce a third party into the marriage. These people are cowards. Lazy asses. They do not have a clue how badly it damages the entire family unit when one selfish party decides to frolic. I urge you to think 10 times really hard before you venture into any frolicking activities and if you are so weak as to run away from your family disgruntlements, then may God curse you a shitty life for abandoning your loved ones.

Affordable Sieves

What kind of sieves do you use when you cook pasta? When else do you use a sieve? When washing vegetables? Do you use a plastic sieve or a metal sieve? We have both at home and I tend to like the plastic ones better but I guess it really depends on what you use it for. We use the metal ones for flour and pasta and the plastic ones for washing vegetables and fruit. Please share?

The choice of being busy

I always try explaining how busy I am to people but inadvertently get judged in the process. It’s usually when people invite me to go somewhere and I say I can’t and then have to explain why. People love judging instead of understanding. It’s either I am crap at organising my time, or I need to learn how to MAKE time or why do I want to earn so much money anyway?

Firstly, I am not crap at organising my time. If you had what I had on my plate, there is no free time. I just prioritise and do the best I can and any free time I steal out of there goes straight to my kids. I’m sorry I have to be selfish with my time but because I have so little, my kids get top priority. As for money? I want both my kids to be able to have a good education in a good University and as you know, that costs a lot of money. What about old age? What about medical expenses? What about emergencies? All it takes is for me to have something like Cancer and BOOM! I know, my Mom has Cancer…….

I’m not one of those rich kids who gets hand outs nor did I marry an entrepreneur with lots of cash, so yeah, I have to work really hard in order to have a decent life. Plus, I need some security money too! You never know with men!

So I’m really sorry if I cannot spare you my time. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. Just think of the hawker lady who worked from 4am every morning preparing the food for sales for the day. She worked right up to night, then slept. All she did was work so she could afford her children an education abroad. Do you think she even had a chance to attend a birthday party? I don’t think so. Some of us have to work so just quit bugging me!

Finding Stone Sinks

Having an eye for detail being trained as an architect, I naturally am extremely particular when it comes to good design. It doesn’t show in my own home though because this was just an interim project that the kids are now thrashing and we felt that there really wasn’t a point to do things right when we were still going to have little ones drawing all over the place! Trust me, when you have a 2 year old monkey who has an affinity to drawing on walls and furniture, there is no stopping her. No amount of dog training and scoldings will get to my monkey thus we’ve resigned to patience.

But when we do eventually move to a new home, I’d like to explore some farmhouse sinks such as the ones in old palaces in Versailles as a feature of the washroom. It just gives a whole new personality to the space. You could have a raw look or a more modern look, or a traditional look. I certainly won’t get a rough edged raw sink because it only means scratched silk blouses or grazes on skin but the smooth marble or granite ones are very beautiful. Of course, they cost a lot more but that’s the price you pay for not having a boring old white porcelain sink.

Breastfeeding Nightmares in sunny KL

Because a few of my friends have recently popped, some with their third babies, I’ve decided to bring the controversial topic of breastfeeding onto the table again. something I thought I’d left behind for good – breastfeeding nightmares in sunny KL. I’m very happy for all my friends with their new babies, but despite two girls at home who keep pestering me to have another baby, I am truly done. Both pregnancies for me were bad – nausea, vomiting, depression, disabled. Yes, my girls are both so worth it, but no, I’m not going there again. I’m done. Finished. T2 was supposed to give me hope but she completely killed any slight chance of desire I have to get pregnant again.

So let me scare you young girls out there about motherhood and breastfeeding. Just pretend I’m Count Dracula’s Wife, the devil’s advocate on breastfeeding and you will be informed about the cold hard truth about breastfeeding. Of course, this is my experience, and others could well have had it different but nevertheless, breastfeeding is challenging.

Do you know how parents always say their child’s school is good when asked? Every parent I’ve met does that. If their child’s school wasn’t good then why would they be sending them there, right? I’m not like that. I tell it like it is. If it’s crap, I say it’s crap. You can judge all you like assuming you have some form of intelligence.

If you would like to read my story on What They Never Tell You About Breastfeeding, click the link and share your experiences so we have a more active discussion on breastfeeding. This was written in 2010 just after T2 was born. I have never regretted breastfeeding and given the chance again (God, no!), I would do it all over again. Breastfeeding nightmares in sunny KL could actually turn into a breastfeeding dream if you persevere. Breastfeeding is actually the most wonderful journey a mother could have with her baby. It doesn’t come easy and is a lot of pain. Many can’t heck it and some though very rarely, cannot breastfeed due to a physical and medical disability. But if you are oh so determined, despite the tough times, and it can get really, really tough, it is so worth doing. Don’t beat yourself up though, if you feel you can’t. It isn’t the end of the world and babies aren’t any lesser without your breast.

The best thing about breastfeeding for me was when baby nursed whilst looking at your face thinking,

You’re my Mama.”

So Breastfeeding Nightmares in Sunny KL? Read and decide for yourself.

*hard wink*

Toilet break with 2 monkeys!

Drama or what???

Honestly, what does one do with kids when one has to go to a public washroom? At least now that they can both stand, they are just forced to come in with me. There is no way I am letting any of them stand outside out of my sight. They moan and groan but they have no choice.

It is really hard for mothers especially when their tiny tots are not walking yet. What the heck do you do with the baby when you need to use a public toilet? Yes, keep her in the stroller. But what if the stroller does not fit into the toilet? Not all public venues have disabled toilets large enough to house a stroller. What if you don’t bring a stroller that day? You’re basically screwed.

It’s happened to me before. Oh, yes. I’d put baby in the Baby Bjorn and then had food poisoning at the hospital with no one to pass the baby to. What do you do? You wing it, Honey.

If you have a toddler who can stand, or is wobbly, you have to worry about her deciding to crawl on the filthy public toilet floor or worse, touch any surface and then put her fingers into her mouth.

So to all you readers out there who are not yet married, or not yet with babies, LEARN.

Motherhood is NOT easy and I will not lie to you. You will never derive such joy from having babies but it is NOT easy. As long as you know it, go on then…….take that dive to the point of no return.

They should just invent some gadget to place your kids in the toilet temporarily till you are done. Like a baby carrier that’s attached to the toilet wall, or a cage of some sort within the cubicles, haha! Not every one has a maid. Not every one wants a maid.

Look at my kids. We’re OUT of the washrooms but apparently their sense of smells are hyper-sensitive.

*rolls eyeballs*

My Mama and her Flowers……

My Mama loves flowers. She always has and always will. She is attracted to floral prints, made flowers a career for some part of her life and is always surrounded by flowers. At one point, she used to even buy ME flowers and it was great as there is nothing more refreshing and alive than a huge vase of FRESH flowers sitting on your dining table. Or wherever.

Today is my Mama’s birthday. She is fast approaching 60 and I cannot help but wonder if she would even see her 60th birthday. That is a sad state of affairs for me and my brothers but we will have hope and pray that she will live beyond, many more years beyond………

On my Mama’s Birthday today, I would like to voice my unspoken gratitude.

“My Dearest Mama,

Before I even begin, I am already tearing and my heart feels heavy. I know I am such a wuss unlike you who can pose a pillar of steel in any circumstance and not shed a tear. How the heck you do it I will never know but I must be on the extreme other end of the cry baby scale. It has always bewildered me how someone with the largest of hearts, and I truly mean the largest, can contain sadness without expressing it but despite your lack of tears, I also know that you do it, show your bravado, because you need to protect us, your children. You would hate for us to see your pain, physical and emotional, and even with all your sufferings, do not call upon us to help you with getting lunch. When was the last time you called me to help you with anything? Seriously, when???

Everyone assumes that being in your position, you would have help, but little do they know, that you receive not an ounce. It’s true. Not an ounce. Despite your very weak state, you still drive yourself to the Doctor weekly when we happen to miss out on when you’ve decided to go; you still clean the entire home yourself and iron the boys clothes despite warnings not to touch them, you still cook a table full of food for all of us when we should be caring for you! Your threshold for pain is insane.

No amount of gratitude can be expressed in words so I shall just blurb what comes out.

First and foremost, THANK YOU for being the absolute BEST grandmother to both my girls. I cannot be happier for my girls who think the world of you and would sacrifice any amount of chocolate, presents, toys or games just to make a trip to Nana’s house to play with Nana. It is their dream to live with Nana! Unfortunately, space limitations and locale dictate otherwise.

My girls will forever remember Nana as the one who plays with them on the bed, whether you play horsey, or riding the bus/train/aeroplane, or ‘UNDER!!!’ as T2 calls it, and God only knows what else you guys do in the room as there is always a loud commotion of hysterics and crazy squeals of laughter every time they enter the room with Nana. They will remember bath time with Nana because only Nana will allow them to luxuriate in the bath for what seems like hours, with bubbles, taking turns to wash each others hairs, scrub each others backs, concoct liquid soap potions, cook, measure, pour, splash, play boat, and wet the entire bathroom floor till it becomes a swimming pool, and get dead raisin fingers. Too much fun!

My girls will also remember Nana as the one who will give them any food, ANY food, whether it be junk or gourmet (which annoyingly they are now accustomed to!) or laboriously prepared and cooked just for their special favourites; take them anywhere be it the playground downstairs or the playground on the next planet, and truthfully, buy them the superficial material goods that they desire. Nana is also the one they call or run to whenever any of them gets scolded by us and immediately, they would have Fort Knox Security enabled……..till they get home that is.

Nana, oh Nana. The girls have so much STUFF to associate you with – the handmade quilts, the hand knitted cardigans, the crazy much material goods that they get so easy, but most of all, I am assured that they appreciate their precious time with you. The time that you spend watching them at playgrounds, the time that you take to play with them on many occasions and let them bully you despite your pain, the time that you take in the kitchen baking and decorating the many, MANY cakes with them and then have to CLEAN UP, the time you take with them to read and tell stories, the time you take to laugh with them and their silly jokes, the time you take to teach them how to sew, the time you take to do all the amazing CRAFT with them, the time we travel together (THE BEST!), the time we go to the supermarket together, meals together, games together……..oh, there is just too many things to list!

Below, Nana teaches T1 the straight line stitch (I don’t know what it’s called) after she’s learnt how to cross-stitch (that, I know!) and T2 looks on curiously.

Mama, THANK YOU for the lessons you have imparted upon me. It is because of you, I was wise in choosing the perfect partner. I will never thank you enough for that as it probably was the single biggest decision of my life – just imagine, choosing someone you will be stuck with for life……It better be darn good! And it is, so I thank you. Throughout my youth and boyfriends, you always had something to say about every single one of them and you were never wrong. Never. You read men like a children’s book and despite not necessarily showing it, you know how to read people. Boy, do you know how to read people. Of course, in my hormonal teens, I did not want to listen to you about MY boyfriends (who were all very good boyfriends, just not good enough for me according to you!) and you were right! I DESERVED the BEST!!!

Thank you for teaching me about friendship, the many times I have come crying to you as a teenager for all the lousy people who broke my heart from sheer cruelty and peer pressure because I was good in everything (those of you reading this who know who you are, I forgive you); being a desperate  kid wanting to fit in was not what you wanted for me and it is something I never want for my kids, so THANK YOU for instilling this never desperate for anything trait in me which I shall download onto my own girls. I have already started as T1 is a sensitive girl and there are mean parents out there who brainwash their own kids into being mean kids too. Sad but true. You see, monkey see monkey do. You have a rude parent, you will get a rude kid. You have a parent who is aggressive, it is likely the kid follows suit. So despite being bullied, teased, ignored, taunted and purposefully made to incite jealousy; T1 is now learning to stand her ground and not get hurt by less mannered kids. These kids do not deserve her time of day at all. T1 is secure in the fact that the love of her family is enough to get by. Any nice person out there is a frigging bonus. 

THANK YOU for being there for us with the greatest advice every time one of us gets stuck in this wheel of life. I have no idea where we would be going to once you are no longer with us but I would expect that we would pray for the answers and you will deliver. THANK YOU too for your fucking brilliant ideas. We thank you for sharing all your creative juice and gene codes with us. You really are smart enough to be a Noble Prize Winner, if only you had the slightest interest and ambition. You fool so many with your humility but I’m afraid your high forehead is a dead give-away. Tok-Tok will not be where he is today without your ideas. I will not be where I am without your ideas. The boys will not be where they are without your ideas. 

THANK YOU for always giving. You are always giving to us and never taking. How is that fair? Because we are your children, we completely take it for granted and continue accepting. I wish you didn’t give so much to everyone else though. Sorry, but I am selfish that way not because I want more but because the people who do not care for you or worse, demean you and spread rumours that you only pretend to be sick, are truly sick. Perhaps give to all deserving but please, just forget those that don’t. I’d rather see you give to the old man stranger who needed medicine who couldn’t afford it(which you did) than the friend who keeps borrowing money for unnecessary purposes(which you also did). I’d rather see you give to the children’s homes (which you did) than support undeserving relatives (which you also did). You get the picture. We ask nothing of you except to live this life as fully as you can and with as much love from us possible, and seriously, just do whatever makes you happy. You should have no ounce of compassion for undeserving souls. 

THANK YOU for growing such amazing confidence in me and for crafting my heart. Tough love? Who knows! Whatever the case, it shines. And I don’t just believe it, many people have said so not to my face! I remember being the most insecure girl on the block so I empathise now whenever I meet someone who doesn’t have enough self esteem. And as for my heart, I pull the stops as I do NOT want to have a heart like yours. It is just too big, too pure and too selfless. I may have a big heart thanks to you but I do not want to be taken advantaged off and trodden. I know my brothers beg to differ because somehow you’ve instilled in them that giving is never wrong and opening up your heart completely (something I don’t think I’d ever do!) is never wrong too. If others trample on it, it is their karma; but it is the calling of any good person to give freely, to love freely without limitations. Man, I can’t do that! Maybe one day, but I doubt it.

THANK YOU for thinking of me all the time. It’s the little things that count and I know you always think of me, of us, my girls, your children. I know you think of many others too. Your gestures, however small, in remembering what I like to eat, what I like to do, what I need help in, is more than enough to assure me of your abundant love. And we’re not even hitting the big ticket items. THANK YOU Mom!!! You have helped me so much for the last 30 years till you sold me to my husband, and then you helped US. Stop helping and let us help you instead!

THANK YOU for healing my pain when I was sick or down in the past. It has been more than 20 years now since I’ve last been down but you really are the sweetest Mom ever. You would take me shopping! Or for a holiday! Or bake me some chocolate cake! Or say the right words to cheer me up instantly! Oh, I would want exactly the same for my daughters so thank you for leading the way in this.

Right, Mother. This has taken me 4 hours to write already because I keep getting interrupted by a little pest so I shall post this now but will pick this up again later because there is still so much more to say. I would have liked to have been more poetic about this but T2 just won’t let me. So,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!!!!!!!! I love you from here to the end of the Universe and and five thousand gazillion times there and back!!!”

From:

Your ONLY daughter. The one who will always come home to you.

**********************************************************************

A Mother’s love, is sure to find
A way to comfort, ease your mind

She knows just how, to build you up
When you’re so down, and can’t look up

You love the way, she makes you feel
Like you’re so special, her ideal

Her thought must start, with God above
To bring such caring, with such love

And as it flows, like gentle rain
It surely helps, when troubles pain

The love from mine, is oh so clear
I only wish, she’d be forever here

Her warming glow, will be missed one day
Even though, I seldom say

But I know she will leave her gift behind
To help me through, when I may pine

And that’s the feel, known deep inside
Her faith and love, I still confide

by Roger J. Robicheau (adapted)

**********************************************************************

Having said that, there are some Mothers out there who are manipulative, selfish and do not give a care about their own daughter’s true happiness so Mom, I THANK YOU that you are far from these type of Moms, the ones who manipulate their own daughters for their own gains.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

I am so grateful that ALL you want for me is the best for me.

Why I love Publika

Can you tell that it’s our new mall of choice? Although having said that, I’ve noticed more and more people are beginning to discover Publika and my secret hang out is no longer a secret!

Firstly, Publika is an art gallery of sorts. I LOVE the artsy attempts and truly appreciate the students’ work that are up every so often (like every week!). It is just refreshing to discover a new chair or bench every other week. And coming from architecture school and having been an invited critic at Lim Kok Wing, I know how to appreciate good design.

The parking and signages at Publika still suck though. It has taken me at least a dozen visits before I have almost figured it out.

Above is a bench that T1 is testing. There are many such pieces in and around the entire mall. It’s fantastic!

 

 

New Agong’s Palace in Kuala Lumpur

One day, seeing that all the new big highways that led to the new King’s Palace were right outside our doorstep, we followed the yellow brick road and ended up here. If not for my crappy point and shoot, this would have been a magnificent view.

We never realised that the grounds of the King’s Palace, not only inside but OUTSIDE were SO BIGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

We decided to visit another day when the sun was out because the Hubs said he saw HORSES there, so off we went. He is our neighbour after all. *waves – Hello King!*

There is a separate parking lot to the front entrance so that vehicles cannot access the front entrance. There are even toilets at the parking lot.

.

Just look how BIG the space is in front of the grand entrance??? An idea immediately came to my head. This would be a great place for the girls to CYCLE or skate or whatever…….

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See? The kids there (who were all either tourists or school visits) were already running around in that big, BIG SPACE!!! Just imagine how much money the tiler made??? There’s a shit load of floor tiles there.

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They had guards who stood super still and didn’t smile nor wink and just looked straight ahead, somewhat like the Buckingham Palace Guards. It was funny as we tried to make him laugh. I even threatened to tickle him but then I suddenly noticed his rifle-gun-knife-weapon-whatever……

That thing looked VERY DANGEROUS. Super polished stainless steel DAGGER right on top, can you see?? He only needed to lift it and I’d be dead. So I quickly took a shot of him so you could see his Uniform and ran the hell out of that little cubicle where he stood.

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We got to witness the changing of the guards…..it was all very entertaining.

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Then I looked beyond the entrance gates and saw just how BIGGGGGGGGGGG the grounds were!!! If you thought the entrance foyer you saw above was big, look at this!!!

But I was just thinking, the building is new and already there were lorries inside doing maintenance and repair works.

.

All I could think of was money, money, MONEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

.

Where is all the MONEYYYYY????? RIGHT HERE!!!!!

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I went up to this group of friendly police officers to ask them in my Malay accent (I have a damn good one, OK? I’ve been caught for not ‘puasa-ing’ before…..) where the horses were!

They told me horses daily till 3pm only. I think they said the horses woke up at 11am. But there you go. If you want to see the new Agong’s Palace and want to witness the changing of guards AND see horses, make sure you go before 3pm. So that was our visit to the Agong’s Palace one Saturday afternoon……at 5pm.

Sisters Forever – Best Friends Forever

My girls, they fight. Oh…..they fight. Like spit and spat and hitting and screaming……but at the end of the day, they always make up. They are sisters after all. Best friends forever.

I love how they miss each other when the other isn’t around. I love how they protect each other. I love how they plot together. I love how they play together. I love how they do projects together (with T1′s leadership, of course! T2 will happily follow….). I love how they act silly together. I love how they surprise us together. And there is one thing they have never done and that is to snitch on one another. Not yet.

They make fun of each other. Like if one of them got yelled at, the other would snigger and sing, “Haaaa….Haaaaa….. Someone……Got……..Scolding……!!!”  The funny thing is, even when T2 gets the scolding, she herself will sing it to herself,  “Haaa…..Haaaaa…….Someone…..Got…….. Scolding……!!!!……That’s ME!!”

Whenever I see my girls together, I wish and wish that I had a sister. I’ve always wanted a sister. Perhaps in my next life.

 

 

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